Animal Magic; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 1

There was a time when the world had a sepia tone.  It was the Victorian era, it was mostly black and white (I’ve seen the photos!) and every year a travelling circus would roll into town.

Now, one of the main attractions was a freak show, basically a collection of some of the weirdest people that the circus master could track down.  They all had their own special ‘freakyness’, and yet all equally beautiful in their own way.

Well no longer do we have to queue up to walk past such a collection, the circus masters at the Apprentice never let us down.

So to episode one, which in the style of Friends I’ll refer to as ‘The One with the Tartan Curtains’, which will become obvious later.

The candidates were brimming with the usual blend of bravado, adrenalin and testosterone, and that was just the girls.  What was obvious was that this year the candidates seem to have been asked to compare themselves to an animal.  The episode was full of animal references from Ricky ‘LavidaLoca’ Martin describing himself as a shark - the apex predator through all manner of killer whales, penguins, ducks and bears. 

It certainly inspired the girls team choice of team name.  I am 99% sure that Jenna was referring to a Starling (the bird) in her broad Prestonian accent and not the boring Sterling name that it was mistaken for.  After all it came to her in a dream.

It was a classic-ly appalling display from both teams with no one really shining yet on either side.  The boys products, though inferior in quality were pitched perfectly for quick sales as they identified a key market quickly in terms of tourists.  The girls meanwhile produced a beautiful, if somewhat quirky, product and indeed brand that was always going to restrict their potential sales.  In the hare and tortoise race the girls would’ve won, but the Apprentice episodes are a time for hares! (sorry I seem to be effected by animals too now!!).

Duane seems to have something about him, and unfortunately Bilyana seemed to be manoeuvring herself to being a potential Lord Sugar favourite until her own untimely intervention. 

For the Bulgarian born risk analyst, never could the old Abraham Lincoln saying...

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”

...been so appropriate with Bilyana talking herself into a firing.  It makes you wonder if Katie ‘Silent Assassin’ (but useless) Wright is already displaying Jedi powers that Jedi Jim could only dream of.  It was 3 episodes of Star Wars until they discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was an evil Sith Lord, maybe that is what Katie is.  Suddenly her playful description of herself being the ‘silent assassin’ is taking on some dark undertones.  Keep watching episode 3 I say, when Duane and Katie will duel with lightsabers atop the Guerkin building.

And so to the Tartan Curtains.  I’m no fashion expert but Bilyana’s choice of ‘battle dress’ on selling day would’ve looked more in place at an ‘accurate’ historic re-enactment of Braveheart, Hollywood style.  Her march to the shops complete with sales tray firmly in place would’ve scared the life out of those ancient English Londoners, if only Bonny Prince Charlie had thought of that history could’ve been so much different.  That is possibly the real reason why the unfortunate sales assistant in the shop was really upset.  It wasn’t because of the unprofessional and embarrassing way the girls sub-team harangued and harassed her into a decision.  It was a primeval fear that a B-movie re-creation of Braveheart was about to take place on her doorstep.

Her departure was unfortunate, but confirms, if it was needed, one of Lord Sugars considerations for the new formats of finding someone he can partner with.  Incessant chatter is something he can seriously do without.

Star of the Week: Katie Wright – she hasn’t used her Sith powers on me at all I promise

Got Lucky: Katie Wright. She was gone until Bilyana’s intervention.  But I don’t mean that, she’s great really and definitely hasn’t used her Sith powers on me.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. She definitely didn’t make me say her name again, and she most certainly hasn’t used her Sith mind control powers on me.

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