The Eyebrows Have It! - The Apprentice Series 9, Episode 1

1...haha....2...haha...I love to count...

Not just one Apprentice episode this week, but two as the flagship BBC show strides back onto our screens (empty case in hand).  

Alex "The Count" Mills claimed the prize for biggest impact on episode one with those mesmeric eyebrows crafted from hours of preening and some may say one or two mistakes getting the length of them correct at the beauty salon.  

From his first moment on screen, especially when he stated that he had key skills in numbers reminded me of someone...

              The Count                                     Alex Mills

...still him and his eyebrows helped the boys to a win in a typical "buy and sell" challenge.

In between the startling appearance by The Count and the first firing of the series of Jaz Ampaw-Farr, who took on a very Sideshow Bob look when she donned a hard hat at the docks, it was an episode full of childish arguments, schoolboy one-liners and hanging high fives...so business as usual really.

As happens so many times on the first few episodes, the personalities that get the attention are often for the wrong reasons.  Sophie was absent in her contribution, Tim delivered the most cringing of cringeworthy thank you's to Lord Sugar and Jaz lept two-footed to her doom within seconds of the intro by taking on the project manager role.  I look forward to seeing how Zeeshaan "Napoleon" Shah copes as the series continues, I'm no historian but I'm not aware of Napoleon being known for hissy fits on the back of his horse (or in Zeeshaan's case his people carrier).

It was a poor episode all round for the teams, Evolve and Endeavour, Barry and Paul (Chuckle) would've been more appropriate as they sold a number of random items from the back of a shipping container.  Still the boys team somehow scrapped a win and it left Sideshow Jaz to walk squarely into the rake that is Lord Sugars firing finger (one for Simpsons geeks there).

The lesson that teams never seem to learn from these selling exercises is that whenever you are selling, and whatever you are selling you need a plan.  That starts by identifying the most likely 'buyers' for your products/service, then identifying the decision maker or key influencer, understanding your sales boundaries (stock, cost, break-even, profit) and then engaging with your prospect.  Sadly, even this basic outline tends to get lost in the politics of who needs/wants to sell.  Despite being taken into the boardroom (and seemingly not contributing hugely) it was admirable that Uzma at least took on a definite role within the team and made sure she contributed doing what she'd been asked to do.  Even on the harsh world that is The Apprentice early days, teamwork is still the key to get you through to the later weeks.

Still, it's beer tonight so chuck a little alcohol and production into the mix and it has all the hallmarks of a classic Apprentice episode.

By the way, this weeks episode was brought to you by the letter E...for Eyebrows.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - The Eyebrows, just the eyebrows

Got Lucky: Tim Stillwell - What was he thinking with that sickening thank you??
Heading for a Fall: Sophie Lau - Already singled out as not contributing in front of Lord Sugar and her fellow candidates, they'll not forget that quickly.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

It's here....The Apprentice Series 9 preview

And so it begins.

No I’m not talking about summer, we all know that big yellow ball in the sky won’t be here forever.  I’m talking the return for Series 9 of The Apprentice.

Following rapidly on from the “Stella English” court case there hasn’t been a better indication of the significant and, I think it’s fair to say, necessary change from the winner receiving a job to receiving a significant investment from Lord Sugar that we saw two series ago.

The award of a job within the wide spread of Lord Sugar’s business empire always seemed to jar with the nature and style of the programme and selection process.  As mad professor Tom and wrestler Ricky “La Vida Loca” Martin have both shown, the guiding hand of an entrepreneurial master like Sugar can prove invaluable, as long as the fundamental business plan is sound.

Tom’s flourishing empire is a fabulous example of a great business where the owner has lost their way (in Tom’s case getting caught up in his passion of inventing) getting the experience and guidance from a mentor and partner.  It should also be said that Tom would probably be the first to admit that the rather public time he spent understanding his own strengths and weaknesses will also have had a major bearing on his new found success.  Ricky too going from a situation where he has never started a business before, but held a number of key entrepreneurial attributes, has seen the rapid growth of his new venture benefit hugely from the experience a savvy entrepreneur and mentor can bring.  Sure the huge investment helped, but having that guidance is equally key.
It may be a great lesson for anyone frustrated by the lack of bank lending to look to alternative sources for funding and guidance.

So to this year’s batch of business wannabes and what another eclectic mix the producers have selected this time (let’s get it straight this is primarily a TV entertainment show).  From a professional dancer, Monaco-based marketing man to shop owners and even a doctor the mix is wide and varied.

For the very best introduction, check out the Meet the Candidates song courtesy of The Brett Domino Trio here – stunningly brilliant.

So what can we expect...more of the same I would suggest.  Ego’s, mis-calculations and unknown objects and everthing in between.  Already 22 year old Alex Mills’ claims to have strengths in design and calculations could come back to bit him.  Still it’s going to be fun!

Incidentally, a number of the candidates this year have retail experience, particularly in/with food-based companies which may indicate a little of Lord Sugars business preferences this year.

Follow me @simonbrooke for more thoughts on The Apprentice and my follow up on the first episode.

The Apprentice Funny Bits Series 8 Episode 1

Apprentice Episode One Funny Bits





Matt Edmonson's hilarious take on The Apprentice episode

Animal Magic; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 1

There was a time when the world had a sepia tone.  It was the Victorian era, it was mostly black and white (I’ve seen the photos!) and every year a travelling circus would roll into town.

Now, one of the main attractions was a freak show, basically a collection of some of the weirdest people that the circus master could track down.  They all had their own special ‘freakyness’, and yet all equally beautiful in their own way.

Well no longer do we have to queue up to walk past such a collection, the circus masters at the Apprentice never let us down.

So to episode one, which in the style of Friends I’ll refer to as ‘The One with the Tartan Curtains’, which will become obvious later.

The candidates were brimming with the usual blend of bravado, adrenalin and testosterone, and that was just the girls.  What was obvious was that this year the candidates seem to have been asked to compare themselves to an animal.  The episode was full of animal references from Ricky ‘LavidaLoca’ Martin describing himself as a shark - the apex predator through all manner of killer whales, penguins, ducks and bears. 

It certainly inspired the girls team choice of team name.  I am 99% sure that Jenna was referring to a Starling (the bird) in her broad Prestonian accent and not the boring Sterling name that it was mistaken for.  After all it came to her in a dream.

It was a classic-ly appalling display from both teams with no one really shining yet on either side.  The boys products, though inferior in quality were pitched perfectly for quick sales as they identified a key market quickly in terms of tourists.  The girls meanwhile produced a beautiful, if somewhat quirky, product and indeed brand that was always going to restrict their potential sales.  In the hare and tortoise race the girls would’ve won, but the Apprentice episodes are a time for hares! (sorry I seem to be effected by animals too now!!).

Duane seems to have something about him, and unfortunately Bilyana seemed to be manoeuvring herself to being a potential Lord Sugar favourite until her own untimely intervention. 

For the Bulgarian born risk analyst, never could the old Abraham Lincoln saying...

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”

...been so appropriate with Bilyana talking herself into a firing.  It makes you wonder if Katie ‘Silent Assassin’ (but useless) Wright is already displaying Jedi powers that Jedi Jim could only dream of.  It was 3 episodes of Star Wars until they discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was an evil Sith Lord, maybe that is what Katie is.  Suddenly her playful description of herself being the ‘silent assassin’ is taking on some dark undertones.  Keep watching episode 3 I say, when Duane and Katie will duel with lightsabers atop the Guerkin building.

And so to the Tartan Curtains.  I’m no fashion expert but Bilyana’s choice of ‘battle dress’ on selling day would’ve looked more in place at an ‘accurate’ historic re-enactment of Braveheart, Hollywood style.  Her march to the shops complete with sales tray firmly in place would’ve scared the life out of those ancient English Londoners, if only Bonny Prince Charlie had thought of that history could’ve been so much different.  That is possibly the real reason why the unfortunate sales assistant in the shop was really upset.  It wasn’t because of the unprofessional and embarrassing way the girls sub-team harangued and harassed her into a decision.  It was a primeval fear that a B-movie re-creation of Braveheart was about to take place on her doorstep.

Her departure was unfortunate, but confirms, if it was needed, one of Lord Sugars considerations for the new formats of finding someone he can partner with.  Incessant chatter is something he can seriously do without.

Star of the Week: Katie Wright – she hasn’t used her Sith powers on me at all I promise

Got Lucky: Katie Wright. She was gone until Bilyana’s intervention.  But I don’t mean that, she’s great really and definitely hasn’t used her Sith powers on me.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. She definitely didn’t make me say her name again, and she most certainly hasn’t used her Sith mind control powers on me.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

I Love Me: Lessons from Apprentice Series Seven Episode One

You know the score, Prokofiev's 'Dance of the Knights' starts up, Mark Halliley's distinctive tones kick in and we're off. Series Seven of the Apprentice smashed its way back onto our screens with a new set of candidates.

Just how they settle in will become clearer over the coming weeks, but in many ways this was one of the tamer starts to an Apprentice series for some time (in Apprentice terms anyway).

Wherever the Apprentice Candidate Farm is located, it's clear that the ‘I’m Number One’ chemical is being increased by each series, along with Jeremy Clarkson levels of ‘Tact’ in their feed. It generally makes for fabulous TV viewing, and whilst it was clear some of the contestants were on the slow-release capsules in Episode One, you got a distinct impression that we are (TV) hours away from more of those chemical kicking in.

For those of you turned off by previous series, this series is distinctive for one key reason. Gone is the £100k per year job with Lord Sugar and in its place the chance to go into business with the main man, who will also invest £250k into the venture. A fantastic start for a new business of the winner’s choice.

Although it’s not yet clear how this will change the dynamic of the programme, it does ask a fundamentally different question of the candidates and Lord Sugar. Indeed Lord Sugar will have to ask himself, not if he can employ this person, but can he go into a partnership with them.

The lessons from Episode One were many, varied and fundamental to any business. We had mistakes on devising costs, sale prices, stock and production. But what struck me was a lesson that was certainly hammered home on the ‘You’re Fired’ sister show.

Edward Hunter proved that outside of the basic fundamentals of running a business the one thing each and every entrepreneur (young or old) should do is understand themselves. By that I’m not talking some deep and comprehensive analysis of what you are, it’s more basic than that.

Though almost every entrepreneur I’ve ever met has to be a jack of all trades within their business, often through necessity, there comes a time when each will have to ask the question – What are my strengths? It’s a question I have asked and had help understanding with my friends at Alchemy. Within each of us, entrepreneur or not, we have an honest understanding of what we are good at, and not so good at. Many of the most successful entrepreneurs understand this, and will build teams and businesses in such a way that the business benefits from the strengths that they have, whilst utilising the different strengths of others.

Edward, in his attempt to show he wasn’t an accountant from the mould (as he put it), deliberately set aside a key strength namely his accountancy skills, and instead took the boys team on seemingly disorganised squeeze and sell. He set aside the very skills that were a basic requirement of the task in place of what he perceived to be high-energy leading and selling. Even before the bizarre exchanges with Lord Sugar in the boardroom, Edward set aside one of his biggest strengths and from that moment on he was very much Edward Hunt-ed.

Getting the fundamental business processes correct in any business is essential. But so is understanding the strengths we have as individuals and finding partners, employees or colleagues to help us create a team with the required strengths and skills to really go for the big prize.

Perhaps this year’s candidates really can listen to themselves for once...’I love me’ – just find out what ‘me’ can bring to the table.

Star of the Week: Jim Eastwood - hilarious argument diffusing skills aside a solid performance
Got Lucky:  Edna Agbarha - Looked uncomfortable with the task and almost cost the girls the win with production problems
Heading for a Fall:  Melody Hossaini - Great performance but the toast to herself may not be appreciated by others