Beer today gone tomorrow

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

A great philosopher once said that (Homer Simpson)but he had obviously never seen The Apprentice, especially this weeks episode.  The thing is, the alcohol had very little to do with the problems this week, that was firmly in the hands of the classic Apprentice combination...ego and strategy (or lack of it).

You'd think after 8 previous series the candidates would sense the warning signs around the challenges like this "produce and sell" task.  The real key to both areas isn't in the speed and aggression of selling, it's in the planning.

Tim "thank you for the opportunity even though we've just won and I should just shut up and do the huggy-jumpy thing outside the room" Stillwell was transferred onto the girls team to begin the mixing of the teams and fared no better in the spot vacated by the fired Jaz.

Immediately taking the project manager role, he gave a rather convincing impression of a weedy stripper at a demanding hen night, more concerned with not being eaten alive than concentrating on the job in hand.

Still at least he didn't send a non-alcohol drinking team member to the manufacturing plant, key requirement being the ability to taste the product.  And at least he also made sure his sales team had enough samples to keep the buyers happy.  Who'd have thought that a set of buyers would want to taste a product before they agreed to spend their money on buying it.

"Stella English" look-a-likee Francesca, placed in charge of that toughest of task on Apprentice tasks...sums...almost came a cropper as the girls manufacturing team produced the most lethal brew since Oliver Reed and George Best decided to empty their cupboards to make a punch, which led to gallons of product being washed away and a big loss of cash.

Yet, it was the sales strategy that once again cost the project manager his place.  "Nice but Dim" Tim was wobbling like a student on a 50p a shot night as his sales teams struggled with locations, pricing and selling - not the greatest of combinations.

If nothing else, this episode showed how important it is to get people into the right roles and balance personalities in teams.  The clashes between Zee, Alex and Jason, and Uzma and Rebecca were Apprentice staples, but some better decision making on both parts by each of the project managers would've headed off any problems before they started.

Not for the first time the serene Karren Brady was left exasperated by the conduct of the girls as the claws came out in the boardroom.  Yet, it was the intriguing prospect of just how Zee will conduct himself when left in the steely grip of Lord Sugars pointing finger that has me looking forward to the next few episodes.  His conduct with Jason was bordering on bullying at times, even if some of his gripes had some validity.

As for "The Count" his eyebrows were sadly more absent this episode, though the magnificent black turtleneck, aviator shades and brown coat on the shoulder look was stunningly "Boycie", and yet menacingly Kray twin.  A show stopper all of it's own...maybe he'd spent just a little too long sniffing the empty sample bottles.



Did Lord Sugar get it right?  Simon Says....Yes! Tim was floating in a vat of mis-management by the end of the task.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - Not just the "Eyebrows", the Belgium "Look".

Got Lucky: Francesca Macduff-Varley - How often the "counter" takes the rap on the manufacturing task.

Heading for a Fall: Zeeshaan Shah - He's making enemies, will he be able to control his short fuse in the pressure of a boardroom dressing down?

What do you think, did Lord Sugar get the firing correct?  Who should've gone? Who's your favourite to win?

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

The Eyebrows Have It! - The Apprentice Series 9, Episode 1

1...haha....2...haha...I love to count...

Not just one Apprentice episode this week, but two as the flagship BBC show strides back onto our screens (empty case in hand).  

Alex "The Count" Mills claimed the prize for biggest impact on episode one with those mesmeric eyebrows crafted from hours of preening and some may say one or two mistakes getting the length of them correct at the beauty salon.  

From his first moment on screen, especially when he stated that he had key skills in numbers reminded me of someone...

              The Count                                     Alex Mills

...still him and his eyebrows helped the boys to a win in a typical "buy and sell" challenge.

In between the startling appearance by The Count and the first firing of the series of Jaz Ampaw-Farr, who took on a very Sideshow Bob look when she donned a hard hat at the docks, it was an episode full of childish arguments, schoolboy one-liners and hanging high fives...so business as usual really.

As happens so many times on the first few episodes, the personalities that get the attention are often for the wrong reasons.  Sophie was absent in her contribution, Tim delivered the most cringing of cringeworthy thank you's to Lord Sugar and Jaz lept two-footed to her doom within seconds of the intro by taking on the project manager role.  I look forward to seeing how Zeeshaan "Napoleon" Shah copes as the series continues, I'm no historian but I'm not aware of Napoleon being known for hissy fits on the back of his horse (or in Zeeshaan's case his people carrier).

It was a poor episode all round for the teams, Evolve and Endeavour, Barry and Paul (Chuckle) would've been more appropriate as they sold a number of random items from the back of a shipping container.  Still the boys team somehow scrapped a win and it left Sideshow Jaz to walk squarely into the rake that is Lord Sugars firing finger (one for Simpsons geeks there).

The lesson that teams never seem to learn from these selling exercises is that whenever you are selling, and whatever you are selling you need a plan.  That starts by identifying the most likely 'buyers' for your products/service, then identifying the decision maker or key influencer, understanding your sales boundaries (stock, cost, break-even, profit) and then engaging with your prospect.  Sadly, even this basic outline tends to get lost in the politics of who needs/wants to sell.  Despite being taken into the boardroom (and seemingly not contributing hugely) it was admirable that Uzma at least took on a definite role within the team and made sure she contributed doing what she'd been asked to do.  Even on the harsh world that is The Apprentice early days, teamwork is still the key to get you through to the later weeks.

Still, it's beer tonight so chuck a little alcohol and production into the mix and it has all the hallmarks of a classic Apprentice episode.

By the way, this weeks episode was brought to you by the letter E...for Eyebrows.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - The Eyebrows, just the eyebrows

Got Lucky: Tim Stillwell - What was he thinking with that sickening thank you??
Heading for a Fall: Sophie Lau - Already singled out as not contributing in front of Lord Sugar and her fellow candidates, they'll not forget that quickly.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

It's here....The Apprentice Series 9 preview

And so it begins.

No I’m not talking about summer, we all know that big yellow ball in the sky won’t be here forever.  I’m talking the return for Series 9 of The Apprentice.

Following rapidly on from the “Stella English” court case there hasn’t been a better indication of the significant and, I think it’s fair to say, necessary change from the winner receiving a job to receiving a significant investment from Lord Sugar that we saw two series ago.

The award of a job within the wide spread of Lord Sugar’s business empire always seemed to jar with the nature and style of the programme and selection process.  As mad professor Tom and wrestler Ricky “La Vida Loca” Martin have both shown, the guiding hand of an entrepreneurial master like Sugar can prove invaluable, as long as the fundamental business plan is sound.

Tom’s flourishing empire is a fabulous example of a great business where the owner has lost their way (in Tom’s case getting caught up in his passion of inventing) getting the experience and guidance from a mentor and partner.  It should also be said that Tom would probably be the first to admit that the rather public time he spent understanding his own strengths and weaknesses will also have had a major bearing on his new found success.  Ricky too going from a situation where he has never started a business before, but held a number of key entrepreneurial attributes, has seen the rapid growth of his new venture benefit hugely from the experience a savvy entrepreneur and mentor can bring.  Sure the huge investment helped, but having that guidance is equally key.
It may be a great lesson for anyone frustrated by the lack of bank lending to look to alternative sources for funding and guidance.

So to this year’s batch of business wannabes and what another eclectic mix the producers have selected this time (let’s get it straight this is primarily a TV entertainment show).  From a professional dancer, Monaco-based marketing man to shop owners and even a doctor the mix is wide and varied.

For the very best introduction, check out the Meet the Candidates song courtesy of The Brett Domino Trio here – stunningly brilliant.

So what can we expect...more of the same I would suggest.  Ego’s, mis-calculations and unknown objects and everthing in between.  Already 22 year old Alex Mills’ claims to have strengths in design and calculations could come back to bit him.  Still it’s going to be fun!

Incidentally, a number of the candidates this year have retail experience, particularly in/with food-based companies which may indicate a little of Lord Sugars business preferences this year.

Follow me @simonbrooke for more thoughts on The Apprentice and my follow up on the first episode.

A Saucy Little Number; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 3

Clichés aplenty time, after all it was condiment making week.  So who cut the mustard?  Who needs to ketchup?  Who needs to pepp-r up their performance?  I’ll move on!

At last Katie revealed herself to the Jedi, taking on her true role as Emperor...sorry I mean project manager.  Leading the remainder of the boys team with all the skill of a silent assassin. (no I still don’t know what that means either).  Whatever it was, it didn’t work out anyway.  Another loss chalked up on her record, though she once again escaped in a pod with sub-team leader Michael taking the firing.

Michael, probably made one mistake in the entire episode and that was positioning himself in Katie eyeline when selecting someone to lead the sub-team.  Should that team have sold more? Yes for sure.  Were they on a bit of a hiding to nothing? Definitely.

Just how product billed as mass market can be that when production ‘errors’ mean there are so few is a puzzler.  Regular readers will know I enjoy a good saying or two, and here’s another one that came true... “Too many cooks spoil the broth” or in this case a rather sour tasting not quite tomato sauce.  Ricky “The Shark” Martin, possibly distracted by the splashing of nearby bather, failed to get to grips with a fairly straightforward production process.  It left Katie no other choice than to increase the trade price to a level as unpalatable as the sauce itself. 

Oh and did I happen to mention the carefully chosen brand name for said sauce, Bellissimo, was also spelt wrongly.  “Bellissimo is spelt wrong”...the first four words out of the mouth of the 1^st trade buyer, not a great start to any pitch.

Not that dynamic Duane and his team did much better.  In fact we almost saw Nick Hewer carrying out CPR on the brave team leader after sampling a rather large mouthful of the first batch of their Pineapple and Chilli Chutney.  To his credit Duane headed to a corner to remove the contents from his gullet, though this did appear less than voluntary.  It was more Duane Dibbly, than The Cat.  If only he was carrying a thermos.

The firing was textbook use of Sith powers from Katie, who at least couldn’t be accused of hiding this week.  Whilst she at least put up a defence that even the Ewoks would’ve admired, Ricky ‘La vida Loca’ Martin revealed his true inner animal...chocolate rabbit.  He melted at the first sign of Lord Sugars’ dragon breath, yet it was Michael who returned to his own self-made kitchen empire. Well you know what they say “ if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”...as long as that isn’t your own Kitchen business.

Star of the Week: Duane Bryan – By default really this time.  It was a rank bad week for everyone else.

Got Lucky: Ricky “The Shark” Martin. Failed on the production line and that was the one major problem in the whole task.

Heading for a Fall: Jenna Whittingham. You get the feeling she’s one slight slip away from a firing.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Splash Down; Apprentice Series 8, Episode 2

You snooze, you lose.  In the tough world of The Apprentice selection sleep is for wimps, losers and obviously purple eyed restaurant owners.

Whether it was a dastardly use of Sith powers by Katie (see last week’s blog) or a badly timed one woman sleep experiment, you got the feeling there was always only going to be one candidates head on the chopping block once ‘Sleepgate’ occurred.  After all, 1^st reply to everything in the boardroom to Maria O'Connor...”well at least I wasn’t asleep”.  Game, set, matchsticks!

It was another loss for the girls in a task they collectively failed to impress on.  From the original idea generation where they pretty much ignored the brief to create a gadget and instead created some kind of plastic waterproof force-field, to the disastrous pitches and a frankly terrible boardroom defence.  There was a lack of any quality in the team, and it wouldn’t have been surprising to have lost more than one of the girls team.  The particularly broad Lancastrian tones of Jenna were as pleasant on the ear as the sound of an angry parent scraping waterproof crayon off the rest of a bath not covered by Splish Splash screen.  (and that’s coming from a proud and broad Lancastrian!)

Fundamentally their product solved a problem that wasn’t even there; in fact they may just have created two more.  Their genius idea was to create a shield to corral children into a corner of the bath whilst distracting them with waterproof crayons.  I’m not sure if the London riots were happening at the time of filming, but that solution may be something worth considering by the Met should anything happen again. 

Of course, the inability of the girls’ team to make an early decision left them with a poor choice of rooms for solving a problem in.  The boys quick choice of kitchen certainly left them the better options, and thanks to Duane the created an ideal kitchen gadget.  Ideal in the sense that it’s one of those “must have for a month” kind of gadgets.  You know the kind, the ones that we all see in the Betterware catalogue, decide you cannot do without and then within 2 months it’s gathering dust at the back of a cupboard (hopefully with crushed cabbage already removed). 

The boys brought home the victory mainly due to the complete disarray of the girls, whose project manager Jane must win the prize for most ambitiously flawed pitch to a buyer ever.  1 million units...only if he’d been drinking that many before the meeting.

The boys also won despite the poor project management of Azhar Siddique.  In another week of animal references Azhar ‘committed’ killer whale went head to head with Ricky ‘The Shark’ Martin.  It was a battle that the producers of Frozen Planet will no doubt be looking to add to the schedules.  That would be if it wasn’t for the fact that neither the shark nor the killer whale resembled anything like their predatory cousins. In fact for those of you that saw the awe-inspiring BBC documentary, both Azhar and Ricky are more akin to the poor seal trapped on the ice flow by the team of Killer Whales.  It really is a matter of ‘if not when’ a wave of reality will smash them off their fragile ice home.

In such tasks the product is key, and getting great ideas initially is the only chance you have of getting a good product. 

Star of the Week: Duane Bryan – He’s the first really star of this year’s series. Saved a dying pitch with a passionate sell of his idea.

Got Lucky: Jenna Whittingham. The Preston girl completely messed up the figures, and only ‘sleepgate’ really saved her.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. Her Sith powers could be fading, named again in the boardroom fight-out.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Animal Magic; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 1

There was a time when the world had a sepia tone.  It was the Victorian era, it was mostly black and white (I’ve seen the photos!) and every year a travelling circus would roll into town.

Now, one of the main attractions was a freak show, basically a collection of some of the weirdest people that the circus master could track down.  They all had their own special ‘freakyness’, and yet all equally beautiful in their own way.

Well no longer do we have to queue up to walk past such a collection, the circus masters at the Apprentice never let us down.

So to episode one, which in the style of Friends I’ll refer to as ‘The One with the Tartan Curtains’, which will become obvious later.

The candidates were brimming with the usual blend of bravado, adrenalin and testosterone, and that was just the girls.  What was obvious was that this year the candidates seem to have been asked to compare themselves to an animal.  The episode was full of animal references from Ricky ‘LavidaLoca’ Martin describing himself as a shark - the apex predator through all manner of killer whales, penguins, ducks and bears. 

It certainly inspired the girls team choice of team name.  I am 99% sure that Jenna was referring to a Starling (the bird) in her broad Prestonian accent and not the boring Sterling name that it was mistaken for.  After all it came to her in a dream.

It was a classic-ly appalling display from both teams with no one really shining yet on either side.  The boys products, though inferior in quality were pitched perfectly for quick sales as they identified a key market quickly in terms of tourists.  The girls meanwhile produced a beautiful, if somewhat quirky, product and indeed brand that was always going to restrict their potential sales.  In the hare and tortoise race the girls would’ve won, but the Apprentice episodes are a time for hares! (sorry I seem to be effected by animals too now!!).

Duane seems to have something about him, and unfortunately Bilyana seemed to be manoeuvring herself to being a potential Lord Sugar favourite until her own untimely intervention. 

For the Bulgarian born risk analyst, never could the old Abraham Lincoln saying...

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”

...been so appropriate with Bilyana talking herself into a firing.  It makes you wonder if Katie ‘Silent Assassin’ (but useless) Wright is already displaying Jedi powers that Jedi Jim could only dream of.  It was 3 episodes of Star Wars until they discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was an evil Sith Lord, maybe that is what Katie is.  Suddenly her playful description of herself being the ‘silent assassin’ is taking on some dark undertones.  Keep watching episode 3 I say, when Duane and Katie will duel with lightsabers atop the Guerkin building.

And so to the Tartan Curtains.  I’m no fashion expert but Bilyana’s choice of ‘battle dress’ on selling day would’ve looked more in place at an ‘accurate’ historic re-enactment of Braveheart, Hollywood style.  Her march to the shops complete with sales tray firmly in place would’ve scared the life out of those ancient English Londoners, if only Bonny Prince Charlie had thought of that history could’ve been so much different.  That is possibly the real reason why the unfortunate sales assistant in the shop was really upset.  It wasn’t because of the unprofessional and embarrassing way the girls sub-team harangued and harassed her into a decision.  It was a primeval fear that a B-movie re-creation of Braveheart was about to take place on her doorstep.

Her departure was unfortunate, but confirms, if it was needed, one of Lord Sugars considerations for the new formats of finding someone he can partner with.  Incessant chatter is something he can seriously do without.

Star of the Week: Katie Wright – she hasn’t used her Sith powers on me at all I promise

Got Lucky: Katie Wright. She was gone until Bilyana’s intervention.  But I don’t mean that, she’s great really and definitely hasn’t used her Sith powers on me.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. She definitely didn’t make me say her name again, and she most certainly hasn’t used her Sith mind control powers on me.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Tom-tastic! Apprentice Series 7 The Final

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner!


The mad professor Tom Pellereau is the man Lord Sugar has backed to the tune of £250,000 after the final episode of The Apprentice. A worthy winner in many respects, a certainly fortunate to be under the new Apprentice prize of a joint business venture as opposed to a job within Lord Sugars portfolio of companies. If we’d been working to rules of previous series the likelihood is that Tom would’ve struggled to make it through the auditions let alone the first few weeks. His quirky style, mad inventor personality and action-man eyes always presented him as a potential loose cannon, but dig below that and Tom was always a candidate who stood out for Lord Sugar.

It is under the old rules that this year’s second place candidate, Helen Louise Milligan would’ve walked it. After a quiet opening few weeks Helen smashed her way to the top of the leaderboard and her structured planning and calculated organisation meant she stayed there right to the end. She played the perfect game in this series, and that perhaps is her biggest failing. There is a sense with Helen that she performs best within a structured environment, and as all new business owners will testify, a new start up is not the place to need rigid processes and procedures to perform at your best. Certainly in my experience, the ability to function within organised chaos would be closer to the mark. Helen you felt all along lacked a certain something despite her impressive showing, and it was crucial to Lord Sugar in the final reckoning. He was willing Helen to produce a stunning business idea, or even just a credible one, you felt if she had then even with the reservations she’d have been a shoe in. Not that she was the only one without a credible business plan.

The range of plans/businesses was revealed and disappointing was probably the easiest way to round them up. They ranged from Susan’s Skincare company to Jim’s e-learning entrepreneurial skills for schools.

Taking them individually, Susan’s plan involved the huge potential skincare market if she got it right, but with associated costs that would eat up the investment before it had time to breathe. Jim’s e-learning idea, cheekily branded AMsmart in line with Lord Sugars existing businesses, already exists and was in essence an idea non-profit business hastily given commercial figures. Helen disappointingly presented the equivalent of a virtual PA service that somehow was supposed to get the country back on its feet. Even winner Tom’s plan of ergonomic chairs and associated products was seriously flawed. Hugely disappointing all round and rightly all were pulled to pieces by what must be one of the most scary interview panels outside of the Den. In fact you got the feeling at one point that Lord Sugar was going to end the interviews and send all four over to the Dragons Den studio for a grilling in a BBC cross-show promotion.

Tom’s victory was down to two main attributes. He’s quite obviously a guy that Lord Sugar feels on a personal level he could work with. As I pointed out in a previous article, Sugar made most of his fortune in partnership with guys like Tom, and that was obviously a big draw for him, he knows how to handle this type of character. Secondly, Tom is a one-man ideas factory, it may take him 20 different ideas, but somewhere along the line Tom is going to hit on another massive idea and Lord Sugar wants to be there when it does. With his already established, but somewhat off-track, ‘Curved Nail file’ Sugar has a readymade product to start recouping his investment.

And so The Apprentice finishes for another series, we’ve had the usual mix of inflated egos, tears, tantrums and Top Hats. Only a few months until Junior Apprentice starts, and if that is anything like last year, those candidates will once again be putting their senior counterparts to shame.

Though certainly not this country’s entrepreneurial elite, this year’s batch of Apprentice candidates have made some great TV and been responsible (sometimes inadvertently) for some essential business lessons. We are left with the vision of a white coated Tom giggling away in a high-tech lab somewhere reaching for an emergency biscuit whilst creating the world’s first time machine using parts from a nodding dog, a top hat, nail file and travel clock. It’d be fun to be there don’t you think?

The PY's the limit! Apprentice Series 7 Episode 11

The un-official semi-final of this year’s series went off with a rather pleasant taste in the mouth. It was a fast food challenge, with each team coming up with a new fast food brand, menu and restaurant to wow a group of industry experts, and it proved a super episode.


Finally, yeah, Natasha, yeah went yeah and...aaarggghh I’ve annoyed myself again! Thank goodness the recruitment manager from Taunton was finally dismissed, though to be fair there was little chance of her reaching the final once Caracas went south. That’d be Caracas, as in the capital of Venezula, possibly discovered by the British explorer Christopher Columbus who was probably working alongside Shakespeare and Byron around the same time. All that was missing was to introduce the Columbus dish with...’just one more thing’ and the messy mixture would’ve been complete.

It should be said that the general knowledge mess-ups are certainly understandable, after all how many of us would have forgotten our own names after 11 weeks of living and working with this year’s candidates? It’s not surprising that for the third week running the candidate that has gone has been the one that has obviously run out of steam.

Just as with Zoe Beresford and Melody Hossaini before her, Natasha had the aura of a candidate who was gone before the task started. Match that to the fact that she was this tasks ‘Expert’ having a degree in Hospitality Management, (and her previous weeks poor performances) and she could’ve saved herself 48 hours of stress by catching a cab straight from the house. How she failed to grasp the task when she obviously has skills within the area was unforgivable so close to the final. Unforgivable, but pleasing all the same!

The dynamic duo Helen and Tom steered clear of the cheesy nacho regurgitation and instead hit on the impressive MYPY concept. Columbus rick aside, the clear direction, detailed costings plan and on-brief service made for a clear winner. MYPY was a genius concept, if a little Airline food looking in its delivery, but most importantly for a fast food restaurant, simple in its execution. In-store games within fast food outlets aren’t well known, but a little ‘I spy with my little PY’ could be a winner. Plus any food that can be served with gravy will always find a home in the glorious North of England so there’s a massive market ready-made. So glorious was the sight, seeing the ready-made meal in a crust served with lashing of the good stuff in the heart of the City, it was enough to make any Lancastrians heart flutter with pride. Oooo Northern Boys Love Gravy (*circa 2003 Soccer Am).

It was impressive all round from our second version of Beauty and Geek this series. The pair make an impressive double-act, so much so you wonder if Lord Sugar fancied calling this year a dead-heat and going into business with the pair of them. In a business such as fast food where organisation and detail is so important, Helen and Tom left nothing to chance and with Tom’s ideas and Helen’s organisation they could be an unstoppable combination.

So onto this year’s final, and we are left with the final four that doesn’t really hold any surprises. When Darth Norn/Jedi Jim strolled into the kitchen and asked ‘Did someone order a final four?’ I did hear someone shout ‘No Jim, I’m still waiting for my fajita’. It is Jim that is perhaps the most vulnerable of the remaining four despite being the best sales person left. You get the feeling that Lord Sugar is almost done with Jim. The same could be said of Tom with the number of losses he has been involved in. However, the big difference is Lord Sugar made his fortune working with people like Tom and you get the feeling his lordship is sizing up in his mind if he fancies one last crack at it with the loveable genius.

Helen, after a quiet start, has been awesome as the weeks have progressed. However, there is something missing with Helen that I can’t quite put my finger on. There is nothing wrong with reaching 30 without having started a business. After all some people just aren’t ready to and it’s admirable that she feels now is the time. There is just a feeling that she thinks she knows more about leading a new venture than the actual reality of doing so. But perhaps there is no better way to learn with the backing of Lord Sugar.

That leaves Snoozy Susie, Susan Ma. Possibly the Marmite candidate this year (you either love her or hate her), she is a hugely impressive individual. Not necessarily in each and every task, but just in how she has built her life, she has a real drive to achieve success. Indeed, the kind of drive that Lord Sugar himself is renowned for, and it could this that wins it for her. Much will depend on just how much time Lord Sugar is preparing to spend within each business and advising each candidate. If he wants to be quite hands on, Tom and Susan could be the kind of candidates he could work with. On the other hand, if he’s looking for no real input then Helen, and to a certain extent, Jim may be the preferred option.

The final featuring Daisy Communications Matt Riley and the return of Apprentice legend Margaret Mountford will see the candidates interviewed about their business plans. It is then we will get to know a little more about the kind of business Lord Sugar could be involved with.

It should be a cracking climax!

Melody Tuneless Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 10

But what do you do? Apprentice Series 7 Episode 10

There was an air of excitement about the small figure stood in front of Tom this week. He was giddy with excitement looking at the merchandise pilled high in front of him. No not one of the young consumers Tom flogged patriotic nodding dogs to; I’m talking about Lord Sugar who was truly in his element at the start of this week’s task. You could see the former van trader practically leaping for joy as he outlined the stock selling task. The only thing missing was a yellow three wheel van power sliding through the warehouse doors.

With that picture firmly fixed in your mind, it was all the more shocking to see Snoozy Suzie sent to Knightsbridge to sell linen door to door. These are the kind of properties that sometimes won’t let number 1000 on The Sunday Times Rich List through the door to use the toilet, let alone a Croydon girl with handfuls of cheap polyester. But it was a sign of things to come from a Venture team led by the useless Natasha. Harsh for sure, but Lord Sugar’s disgust at their ‘win’ was followed by the removal of any winning treat. If she wasn’t sure before, the next time Natasha appears in the boardroom she’ll need to make sure her case is packed.

As much as it was a lucky win for Venture, it was not an unlucky loss for Logic, who under the leadership of Melody floundered under the weight of ego’s and coups. Undoubtedly the stars of the task were the two remaining boys, Tom and Jim, who on opposite teams, sold well. Meanwhile Melody hit several bum notes in failing to ‘smell what sells’ and opted to ignore Tom’s success whilst fighting off a power-drunk Helen hell bent on ‘saving’ the task. It was a poor move from Helen who got the wrong strategy on the task, and has seemingly hit on another poor one in her personal quest. Quite frankly the mere act of walking into a Pound Shop and trying to sell them watches at a trade price of £25 should be a firing offence on its own.

Melody Hossaini has not been the most tuneful of candidates, but, as with Zoe the previous week, she had an air of a candidate for whom the large lady was warming up her vocal chords. This was a real surprise from Melody who only weeks ago impressed Lord Sugar with her no nonsense one woman approach to the Paris task. It seems that rather than that being the start of her ascent to the top of Lord Sugar’s musical range, it was just a case of the triangle player getting over-excited and binging too early.

For far too much of the task both teams were guilty of chasing sales at any cost. They forgot the simple truth of sales that if you sell at a price above your costs you will make a profit. Spending 4 hours of an 8 hour selling window in the back of a cab getting stock to sell for peanuts isn’t going to make anyone any money.

It all proved a task too far for Melody who, though unfortunate to leave before Natasha, had to go having been given a couple of lives already.

All of which leaves a real rag tag bunch of Apprentice candidates in the final five, perhaps more so than any previous series.

How Natasha Scribbens is still among them is something I cannot fathom. She’s lived the kind of charmed life that makes you sure you must’ve missed an episode, either that or there’s more to her ‘yeahs’ than we think. Perhaps they are somehow managing to form a protective, Teflon coated, bubble around the girl keeping her immune from any downfall.

Tom Pellereau despite his obvious confidence floors elicits the kind of twinkle in Lord Sugars eyes that belies the insults flowing from the great man’s mouth. Sugar made his fortune working with people like Tom and even if Tom can’t see it, his Lordship is weighing up if he could do it again. “Jedi” Jim Eastwoood on the other hand, despite his excellent performance this week (and it could be argued, last week as well) looks like the type of candidate who is one slip up away from going. He’s going to have to be the top performer in every remaining task to stand a chance of being the last man standing.

Helen Milligan’s less than impressive task finally allowed us to see beyond the polished organiser from previous weeks, and I’m not sure there’s enough there to win it. Having a strategy and trying to plan is to be admired on such a chaotic task. But what’s more important is to get the right strategy and not just bang on about having a strategy when it was clearly flawed. Her attempted ‘kitchen coup’ underlined a feeling that Helen’s got a little bit drunk on previous weeks successes. Whether she heeds the warning she received in the boardroom will dictate if she stays until the end.

This leaves us with Suzie, the bambi to Jim’s Darth Norn. She divides opinion like no other candidate this year, and yet despite her annoying traits, time and time again she has got to the heart of the task quickly and understood what needs to happen. Ok, she’s often failed to push this through in the face of the strong personalities she is surrounded with, but she potentially has the kind of spark, enthusiasm and energy Lord Sugar is looking for. Whether he could work with her is an entirely different question, and one that may see her falling by the wayside before the end.

Who will win this year’s Apprentice? Let me know your thoughts and vote in the poll on this page.


Star of the Week: "Jedi" Jim Eastwood and Tom Pellereau joint winners this week, Jim showed his sales strengths and Tom stepped outside his comfort zone to sell, sell, sell.


Got Lucky: Natasha Scribbens. Saved again by being on the winning team. She's like Monty Pythons Black Knight and just won't go.

Heading for a Fall: Helen Louise Milligan.  Has she been found out?


For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Zo-go Zoe. Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 9

Soggy Biscuit Dunking. Apprentice Series 7 Episode 9

Right thought I’d set the scene on this week’s blog post for you. I’m sitting down in front of my laptop with a nicely steaming cup of coffee and the sun cracking t’flags outside. But wait, what’s this feeling? It’s overpowering my senses, I can’t concentrate, quite frankly I’m flagging and there is only one thing I need…an Emergency Biscuit. Yep, that will do the job. Phew crisis averted.

I don’t claim to be a playwright of any great repute, but I feel confident enough to say that my newly released ‘Emergency Biscuit Tragedy’ still sits slightly above the ‘Biscuit Lovers’ playlet dreamt up by Melody. Though I must confess I will be hard pressed to find a relationship as full of chemistry and connection as that of Beauty and the Geek; Melody and Tom. I’m thinking of casting Jeremy Clarkson and Germaine Greer.  The audience may even watch whilst eating Pop-biscuits, they are the new popcorn after all.

This week’s task was all about biscuits. Creating a new product and taking it to 3 sets of supermarket buyers to get onto the shelves and into the nations brews. As always with the Apprentice we had a twist in the boardroom, where yet again having seemingly gone off track with their ‘After School Treat’ that was for anytime, Team Venture pulled in a huge order from Asda (a new Apprentice record), and blasted Team Logic’s biscuit within a biscuit, BixMix, clean out of its digestive outer.

It was unfortunate for Team Logic as Venture had been less than impressive in the task from the first moment. As churlish as this may sound, Helen and Jim were probably two of the poorest performers this week, yet with a sidelined Natasha in tow, were able to persuade Asda of the potential of their product. How much different the final product, packaging and marketing would be if it was ever to hit the shelves will perhaps be the biggest example of Venture’s poor execution of a decent idea.

Having said all of that, it’s fair to say that Logic under Zoe’s robust stewardship really took the biscuit! Though we saw flashes of the feisty Cheshire girl’s management style, she had the air of a contestant who had perhaps had enough of the process. It was communication that really let her team down, and really brought home just how crucial it is across an organisation. I disagreed with Lord Sugar’s insistence that Zoe went to the production site; however she could’ve spent a great deal more time communicating with Melody and Tom in order to answer one question. Who are we aiming at? It was this that lay at the heart of their loss. Forget the bitching, playlet and politics, Logic lacked a clear target market and therefore production and sales/marketing had a complete disconnect.

Having learnt a little more about Zoe, it is clear to see just what Lord Sugar had seen in her. After all this was a woman who overcame two bouts of cancer in her late teens, she really was the kind of battler he loves. However, falling down on such a crucial element meant she was always likely to go this time.

Clear communication starts from the top of any organisation. Having a clear vision, moulded into a strategy and then followed down through the various functions is the best way for any company, whatever the size, to succeed. Even better, a fluid two-way process that allows this to be adjusted and take advantage of customer feedback and new markets is the standout feature of any successful business.

So we are left with Melody Hossaini, Susan Ma, Helen Louise Milligan, Natasha Scribbins, “Jedi” Jim and Tom Pellereau as the final six candidates and tasks running out fast. The unlikeliest winners out of that list probably include Natasha and Jim who have both faced Lord Sugars ire. The current standout would probably be Helen, though she still has an element of mystery surrounding her skills. Whatever the outcome over the next few episodes, it’s proving a difficult series to predict.


Star of the Week: Helen Louise Milligan. Granted it was Jedi Jim that 'won' the massive order, but Helen's management just pipped it.


Got Lucky: Natasha Scribbens.  Saved by being on the winning team. She'd have been dead in the water facing up to Jedi Jim and Helen in the boardroom having been sidelined by them.

Heading for a Fall: Tom Pellereau.  Unfortunately for 'Brains' he looks increasingly like a dead man walking.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

No Regret Rien - Apprentice Series 7 Episode 8

Fromage Frais, Chaise Longue, Petit Pois. By the standards of most of the Apprentice candidates who headed to Paris for the latest task, those six words mean I should probably change my name to Pierre.

It was an episode which saw the demise of a potential winner and the emergence of a killer queen in the shape of Melody who was anything but tuneful in her savagery. Dynamite with a laser beam she turned her attention quite squarely on Leon and Tom who were left reeling by her scary, yet somehow impressive display. Fair play to Melody who revelled in the task as a fluent French speaker, but went too far in alienating Leon, destroying Tom's strategy and hogging sales. But let's face it; this is the Apprentice not the real world, so she was probably toasted for her shameless performance with a glass of Moet and Chandon from a pretty cabinet. I'd get very worried if Melody was ever brought into translate on negotiations between two nations. Chances are if she took a dislike to you, you could very quickly find an admission that you were wrong, turning into an offer to 'step outside' and be none the wiser.

Tom continues to intrigue. For the first time he was forced to reveal his 'real life' track record in fighting against elimination. Having done so what was obvious was that, along with most of the other candidates, Tom's problem on this task was getting swept up by the fact they were in a foreign country rather than concentrating on the key aspects of engaging with buyers. It is a task he admits to doing regularly as part of his real life with buyers and suppliers across the Far East. The pressure of the Apprentice threw all these skills out of the window and he now risks being firmly in Lord Sugar's point of doom.

One candidate sure to divide opinion is bouncy Bambi, Susan. Now, since King Henry brought the Dauphin to his knees with a bunch of Robin Hood extras (yes I know) there has been a healthy rivalry with our friends across the channel (or la Manche - Pierre). Indeed it is fair to say that the banter is the basis of any Anglo-French meet. Susan took this to a whole new level, in her own way, in launching a series of bizarre statements including 'Do the French like their children?'. The look of disbelief on Karren Brady's face probably rivals many of Nick 'The Face' Hewer's very best.

Having ensured she is unlikely to gain any employment 'en France' any time soon, she should still be complimented on her performance in leading the team to a near record win. Helen again impressed with a massive order that rivalled Liz Locke's record breaking sale last year. She somehow remains difficult to back as a winner though, perhaps suffering from the bizarre scenario where she has yet to face the boardroom and show us who she is. It's not her fault though as she just keeps winning.

What was clear from this week’s Paris task was that when tasked with selling to buyers, be they foreign or domestic, having a clear plan and thoroughly researching the business you are sat in front of is essential. Test runs of products are all well and good and should be what you are aiming for, but insulting a buyer by offering an inappropriate amount is suicide. I'm sure no product developer reading this blog would dream of offering a business the size of Argos 10 units as a test quantity. That is the equivalent of what Logic offered the French powerhouse retailer La Redoute.

Believe it or not we only have four weeks left, so who is your money on?


Star of the Week: Helen Louise Milligan. Who else could it be with a sale as big as that.

Got Lucky: Tom Pellereau.  Got stitched up by Melody but should've been stronger.

Heading for a Fall: Helen Louise Milligan.  A record sale isn't enough to keep anyone in the Apprentice, just ask Liz Locke.  She needs to carry on her current upward trajectory or a nasty fall could happen.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 5

Who let the Dogs out? The Apprentice Series 7 Episode 5

Right, first things first, I thought it best to get several clichés out of the way now so as not to make this article too predictable. Today I will not be mentioning... ‘made a dogs dinner out of it’, ‘top dog’, ‘cat who got the cream’ ‘nine lives’, ‘dogs b****cks’. Though to be fair I probably won’t need the last one to describe any of the accomplishments in Episode 5.

The ‘Pet Food’ task could prove to be the pivotal episode in this year’s Apprentice as we saw a double firing, bookies favourite Jedi Jim becoming a marked man and the quiet man of the group, Tom manoeuvring himself into the limelight.

The demise of one-time favourite Ellie was as sad as it was frustrating. Ellie had given the impression of being the kind of female powerhouse that grows into the show. Sadly she failed to take on board last week’s bashing from Lord Sugar and remained a silent, un-interested looking participant in a losing team. There wasn’t even any of the superb spark that marked last week’s boardroom appearance. And it was really put into context when in a losing group headed by Dogtanian himself, Vincent, who Lord Sugar was gunning for; she succumbed to the firing first.

Vincent - One for all, and all for One

Surprisingly still was big favourite Jedi Jim being set clearly in Lord Sugars firing line. It was a bad performance from Jim and perhaps we saw some of his real personality for the first time, and his Lordship certainly didn’t approve.

To the task itself, and in a week when it was marketing and not sales that was the key decision, Logic applied none of it to their product under Vincent’s leadership. They failed to find a niche and perhaps misunderstood the essence of the task. This being about creating a good brand and marketing campaign, that was key, the possibility of huge sales wasn’t. That is why Glenn and Venture succeeded where Logic failed (again). And even though Glenn did his best to make a good idea, backed by identifying a niche market, sound and look bad (a poor advert and see their light!!??) the principles were sound, as was the design of the packaging.

A superior ad was never going to be enough to save Logic who had failed to identify key trends in the market. That would never wash with Lord Sugar. This task was a marketing one, focused solely on the process of identifying and addressing a niche within a massive market. I’m sure marketers everywhere cringed when Vincent uttered the words ‘we are targeting everyone with this’. In the age of digital, niche and personalised marketing, these utterings meant Vincent wasn’t going to last.

Vincent did pipe up with the marketing mantra of the ‘4 P’s’ which is always amusing for an experienced marketer to hear, if I was getting marketing geeky at this point I would say that ‘7 P’s’ is generally more accepted these days. But whether it’s 4 or 7, Logic were on a hiding to nothing having embarked (see what I did there) down the wrong path. Perhaps the 6 P’s of the SAS may have been more appropriate (Proper Planning Prevents P**s Poor Performance).

As usual Venture was helped more by the failings of Team Logic than a dynamic project manager of their own. Glenn did himself no favours in leading the team with all the management skills of Frank Spencer and none of the charm. You can’t knock him for sticking to his guns in the face of some ridicule, but the lack of any management skills could not have escaped Karren Brady and her all seeing (cats)eyes.

One thing that has become clearer after the Pet Food task is that Lord Sugar is already looking to who he feels he can trust to work with – not just employ and it is a very different requirement.

Already it looks like Jim, Natasha, Edna and Zoe are all out, Jim’s hammering in his absence the final nail in his coffin. All of which leaves Melody, Leon, Susan, Tom, Glenn and the elusive Helen. So who will come out as leader of the pack, the top dog, the cat that got the cream...oh b......


Star of the Week: Tom Pellereau got it spot on with his concerns, and for the 2nd week running he got to the nub of the issue quickly and with no fuss.

Got Lucky: Jedi Jim Eastwood and Glenn Ward. Jim is in the firing line and Glenn was fortunate to be on the winning team after his leadership style.

Heading for a Fall: Natasha Scribbens, another boardroom appearance probably saved only by the presence of the other two.  Will she realise that, or begin to believe her own hype?

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Lego Apprentice Episode 4

The Gloves are Off! Apprentice Series 7 Episode 2

Not since 1977 when John Williams' iconic Imperial March burst into life and the be-gloved villain of George Lucas' creation marched into view has there been a scarier appearance of gloves on screen. I talk of course of Edna's presentation to a room full of bemused and distinctly unimpressed looking technology enthusiasts during the App task.

In true Richard Hillman glove style, the addition of said accessories seemed to be leading to a car-crashing-into-the-ship-canal ending for the girls. Yet in a twist of Corrie proportions we gasped open mouthed (it was nearly 10pm on a school night) as victory was snatched from the jaws of defeat and the girls team lead by Edna secured an improbable victory.

Even the most ardent supporters of the girls’ team could not have predicted the final result having seen the team lurch from one disappointment to another throughout the task. However thanks to this unlikely win we were treated to piece of Jedi magic as Jim avoided the final three by calling on the great Obi-Wan to point out to team leader Leon that he ‘wasn’t the candidate he was looking for’.

It was a piece of brilliance though possibly unnecessary as Jim certainly wasn’t going, but genius all the same and left Leon (yes he did appear on an episode of Dragons Den) looking weak and firmly in Lord Sugars’ tractor beam.

But what did we learn from the second task? Understanding the brief certainly, after all the girls victory was sealed purely on the basis that their app had a more global reach than the boys.

However I would argue that luck more than anything played a bigger role in the win than any well executed strategy. As with any venture, planning is essential but a fair wind is a massive help. There are those that look upon luck in business as a fallacy - there is no such thing as luck. But I prefer to see luck for what it is, something we can try and turn in our favour as much as possible, and it is a concept that we should embrace. See luck as something that can be worked towards and it’s possible to envisage seeing yourself getting luckier.

Luck can be broken down into four parts, and it’s amazing how the luckiest people seem to have these things in place. It goes as follows:

L - Location, getting yourself out there and speaking to as many people as possible, mentioning your aims, your goals and your challenges and where you're looking for help. Or being in as many places as possible, one of them may just be the right one.

U - Understanding, know your chosen field as well as you can, who are the players, where are the opportunities

C - Contacts, speak to people, network, draw up a list of the people you would really like to speak to and mention them to everyone you know...you've played the Kevin Bacon game right??

K - Knowledge, know your subject, be an expert, you don't need to be working in an industry for years to know about it, do your research.

Ok it’s not a perfect system but to bring it back to the App task the girls won the task by perhaps understanding the key part of the market and producing a intro to it that played well with the global market. Whereas the boys team through the design of their App failed to understand that they were (for such a short task) cutting off the largest market through not understanding the field correctly.

Of course it could just be that the sight of those gloves scared most of the world into downloading the girls app on the understanding that there may be a new Death Star lurking behind the moon so they best hurry.


Star of the Week: Jim Eastwood – He made me say that with a whoosh of his Jedi powers


Got Lucky: Edna Agbarha – Two lucky episodes on the trot for Edna who almost lost the girls the task with a strange presentation that failed to mention the product at all.


Heading for a Fall: Glenn Ward – Lord Sugar is already questioning his potential and he appears to be winding a few others up

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice and other things don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Friends, Lancastrians...here me now!! Apprentice 2010 Episode 2

Sound. We all make it, some more than others. And it’s the same in business, and never has there been a better time to be heard. Though let me qualify this, there is a distinction between sheer volume and the distinct sounds of passionate and enthusiastic believers.

The enthusiasm with which the candidates have attacked the first few tasks is admirable. Enthusiasm, especially around the creative table, is an essential element; a fired up, high-energy session creates its own momentum of ideas. Enthusiasm and energy can get you a long way, particularly when the going gets tough.

What has been seriously less admirable is the usual Big Brother mix of ego’s, super-ego’s and demi-gods, focused solely on making, well noise quite frankly, and lots of it.

As expected a dose of Stella tempered the boys’ stag-rut (in complete contrast to real life). However, the screaming match continued on the girl’s team, with the all-seeing eyes of the classy Karen and Nick less than impressed.

The uncontrollable noise from the girls meetings reflects a similarity within many industries these days. The markets out there are often crowded, noisy places, not easy places for your customers to hear your voice. Sometimes it’s just hard to get heard.

It’s your marketing that gets you heard, and the very best marketing will do this in such a way that you’ll get heard over the din created by everyone else.

Many desperately join in to the cacophony of sound; hoping brash volume will turn heads, Joanna being a prime example. Others sit back, aghast at the wall of sound in front of them, unable or unwilling to get involved. Some crack it with expert advice. And others put up their hands and hope for the best just like Joy.

A hand in the air, will get attention initially but as the old saying goes, sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees. And after seeing that hand wafting in the breeze for a few minutes, it no longer registers as relevant.

It is as true with your marketing. Truly uncontested spaces are difficult to find, and it is important that you are able to get noticed, and then create such an impression that it’s your voice that is the one others turn to.

Get heard, make some noise but ensure you can back it up. As Karren Brady put so succinctly, it’s about finding those moments where your words will make the most impact. Don’t think putting your hand in the air is enough. Joy did, and the impact was lost. And even more criminal, when she was given the platform in the boardroom to put her view over, she flunked it.

Throw your enthusiasm and energy into your messages, and find innovative and most importantly, relevant ways for your message to be heard. Pick your moments and strike with impact, understanding and relevance.

Then the next time you get vocal, you’ll see the room quietening a whole lot quicker, with no hands required.