Beer today gone tomorrow

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

A great philosopher once said that (Homer Simpson)but he had obviously never seen The Apprentice, especially this weeks episode.  The thing is, the alcohol had very little to do with the problems this week, that was firmly in the hands of the classic Apprentice combination...ego and strategy (or lack of it).

You'd think after 8 previous series the candidates would sense the warning signs around the challenges like this "produce and sell" task.  The real key to both areas isn't in the speed and aggression of selling, it's in the planning.

Tim "thank you for the opportunity even though we've just won and I should just shut up and do the huggy-jumpy thing outside the room" Stillwell was transferred onto the girls team to begin the mixing of the teams and fared no better in the spot vacated by the fired Jaz.

Immediately taking the project manager role, he gave a rather convincing impression of a weedy stripper at a demanding hen night, more concerned with not being eaten alive than concentrating on the job in hand.

Still at least he didn't send a non-alcohol drinking team member to the manufacturing plant, key requirement being the ability to taste the product.  And at least he also made sure his sales team had enough samples to keep the buyers happy.  Who'd have thought that a set of buyers would want to taste a product before they agreed to spend their money on buying it.

"Stella English" look-a-likee Francesca, placed in charge of that toughest of task on Apprentice tasks...sums...almost came a cropper as the girls manufacturing team produced the most lethal brew since Oliver Reed and George Best decided to empty their cupboards to make a punch, which led to gallons of product being washed away and a big loss of cash.

Yet, it was the sales strategy that once again cost the project manager his place.  "Nice but Dim" Tim was wobbling like a student on a 50p a shot night as his sales teams struggled with locations, pricing and selling - not the greatest of combinations.

If nothing else, this episode showed how important it is to get people into the right roles and balance personalities in teams.  The clashes between Zee, Alex and Jason, and Uzma and Rebecca were Apprentice staples, but some better decision making on both parts by each of the project managers would've headed off any problems before they started.

Not for the first time the serene Karren Brady was left exasperated by the conduct of the girls as the claws came out in the boardroom.  Yet, it was the intriguing prospect of just how Zee will conduct himself when left in the steely grip of Lord Sugars pointing finger that has me looking forward to the next few episodes.  His conduct with Jason was bordering on bullying at times, even if some of his gripes had some validity.

As for "The Count" his eyebrows were sadly more absent this episode, though the magnificent black turtleneck, aviator shades and brown coat on the shoulder look was stunningly "Boycie", and yet menacingly Kray twin.  A show stopper all of it's own...maybe he'd spent just a little too long sniffing the empty sample bottles.



Did Lord Sugar get it right?  Simon Says....Yes! Tim was floating in a vat of mis-management by the end of the task.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - Not just the "Eyebrows", the Belgium "Look".

Got Lucky: Francesca Macduff-Varley - How often the "counter" takes the rap on the manufacturing task.

Heading for a Fall: Zeeshaan Shah - He's making enemies, will he be able to control his short fuse in the pressure of a boardroom dressing down?

What do you think, did Lord Sugar get the firing correct?  Who should've gone? Who's your favourite to win?

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

The Eyebrows Have It! - The Apprentice Series 9, Episode 1

1...haha....2...haha...I love to count...

Not just one Apprentice episode this week, but two as the flagship BBC show strides back onto our screens (empty case in hand).  

Alex "The Count" Mills claimed the prize for biggest impact on episode one with those mesmeric eyebrows crafted from hours of preening and some may say one or two mistakes getting the length of them correct at the beauty salon.  

From his first moment on screen, especially when he stated that he had key skills in numbers reminded me of someone...

              The Count                                     Alex Mills

...still him and his eyebrows helped the boys to a win in a typical "buy and sell" challenge.

In between the startling appearance by The Count and the first firing of the series of Jaz Ampaw-Farr, who took on a very Sideshow Bob look when she donned a hard hat at the docks, it was an episode full of childish arguments, schoolboy one-liners and hanging high fives...so business as usual really.

As happens so many times on the first few episodes, the personalities that get the attention are often for the wrong reasons.  Sophie was absent in her contribution, Tim delivered the most cringing of cringeworthy thank you's to Lord Sugar and Jaz lept two-footed to her doom within seconds of the intro by taking on the project manager role.  I look forward to seeing how Zeeshaan "Napoleon" Shah copes as the series continues, I'm no historian but I'm not aware of Napoleon being known for hissy fits on the back of his horse (or in Zeeshaan's case his people carrier).

It was a poor episode all round for the teams, Evolve and Endeavour, Barry and Paul (Chuckle) would've been more appropriate as they sold a number of random items from the back of a shipping container.  Still the boys team somehow scrapped a win and it left Sideshow Jaz to walk squarely into the rake that is Lord Sugars firing finger (one for Simpsons geeks there).

The lesson that teams never seem to learn from these selling exercises is that whenever you are selling, and whatever you are selling you need a plan.  That starts by identifying the most likely 'buyers' for your products/service, then identifying the decision maker or key influencer, understanding your sales boundaries (stock, cost, break-even, profit) and then engaging with your prospect.  Sadly, even this basic outline tends to get lost in the politics of who needs/wants to sell.  Despite being taken into the boardroom (and seemingly not contributing hugely) it was admirable that Uzma at least took on a definite role within the team and made sure she contributed doing what she'd been asked to do.  Even on the harsh world that is The Apprentice early days, teamwork is still the key to get you through to the later weeks.

Still, it's beer tonight so chuck a little alcohol and production into the mix and it has all the hallmarks of a classic Apprentice episode.

By the way, this weeks episode was brought to you by the letter E...for Eyebrows.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - The Eyebrows, just the eyebrows

Got Lucky: Tim Stillwell - What was he thinking with that sickening thank you??
Heading for a Fall: Sophie Lau - Already singled out as not contributing in front of Lord Sugar and her fellow candidates, they'll not forget that quickly.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

It's here....The Apprentice Series 9 preview

And so it begins.

No I’m not talking about summer, we all know that big yellow ball in the sky won’t be here forever.  I’m talking the return for Series 9 of The Apprentice.

Following rapidly on from the “Stella English” court case there hasn’t been a better indication of the significant and, I think it’s fair to say, necessary change from the winner receiving a job to receiving a significant investment from Lord Sugar that we saw two series ago.

The award of a job within the wide spread of Lord Sugar’s business empire always seemed to jar with the nature and style of the programme and selection process.  As mad professor Tom and wrestler Ricky “La Vida Loca” Martin have both shown, the guiding hand of an entrepreneurial master like Sugar can prove invaluable, as long as the fundamental business plan is sound.

Tom’s flourishing empire is a fabulous example of a great business where the owner has lost their way (in Tom’s case getting caught up in his passion of inventing) getting the experience and guidance from a mentor and partner.  It should also be said that Tom would probably be the first to admit that the rather public time he spent understanding his own strengths and weaknesses will also have had a major bearing on his new found success.  Ricky too going from a situation where he has never started a business before, but held a number of key entrepreneurial attributes, has seen the rapid growth of his new venture benefit hugely from the experience a savvy entrepreneur and mentor can bring.  Sure the huge investment helped, but having that guidance is equally key.
It may be a great lesson for anyone frustrated by the lack of bank lending to look to alternative sources for funding and guidance.

So to this year’s batch of business wannabes and what another eclectic mix the producers have selected this time (let’s get it straight this is primarily a TV entertainment show).  From a professional dancer, Monaco-based marketing man to shop owners and even a doctor the mix is wide and varied.

For the very best introduction, check out the Meet the Candidates song courtesy of The Brett Domino Trio here – stunningly brilliant.

So what can we expect...more of the same I would suggest.  Ego’s, mis-calculations and unknown objects and everthing in between.  Already 22 year old Alex Mills’ claims to have strengths in design and calculations could come back to bit him.  Still it’s going to be fun!

Incidentally, a number of the candidates this year have retail experience, particularly in/with food-based companies which may indicate a little of Lord Sugars business preferences this year.

Follow me @simonbrooke for more thoughts on The Apprentice and my follow up on the first episode.

Apprentice Funny Bits Series 8 Episode 3

Matt Edmonson's Funny Bits Apprentice Series 8 Episode 3

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00qrnwd

A Saucy Little Number; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 3

Clichés aplenty time, after all it was condiment making week.  So who cut the mustard?  Who needs to ketchup?  Who needs to pepp-r up their performance?  I’ll move on!

At last Katie revealed herself to the Jedi, taking on her true role as Emperor...sorry I mean project manager.  Leading the remainder of the boys team with all the skill of a silent assassin. (no I still don’t know what that means either).  Whatever it was, it didn’t work out anyway.  Another loss chalked up on her record, though she once again escaped in a pod with sub-team leader Michael taking the firing.

Michael, probably made one mistake in the entire episode and that was positioning himself in Katie eyeline when selecting someone to lead the sub-team.  Should that team have sold more? Yes for sure.  Were they on a bit of a hiding to nothing? Definitely.

Just how product billed as mass market can be that when production ‘errors’ mean there are so few is a puzzler.  Regular readers will know I enjoy a good saying or two, and here’s another one that came true... “Too many cooks spoil the broth” or in this case a rather sour tasting not quite tomato sauce.  Ricky “The Shark” Martin, possibly distracted by the splashing of nearby bather, failed to get to grips with a fairly straightforward production process.  It left Katie no other choice than to increase the trade price to a level as unpalatable as the sauce itself. 

Oh and did I happen to mention the carefully chosen brand name for said sauce, Bellissimo, was also spelt wrongly.  “Bellissimo is spelt wrong”...the first four words out of the mouth of the 1^st trade buyer, not a great start to any pitch.

Not that dynamic Duane and his team did much better.  In fact we almost saw Nick Hewer carrying out CPR on the brave team leader after sampling a rather large mouthful of the first batch of their Pineapple and Chilli Chutney.  To his credit Duane headed to a corner to remove the contents from his gullet, though this did appear less than voluntary.  It was more Duane Dibbly, than The Cat.  If only he was carrying a thermos.

The firing was textbook use of Sith powers from Katie, who at least couldn’t be accused of hiding this week.  Whilst she at least put up a defence that even the Ewoks would’ve admired, Ricky ‘La vida Loca’ Martin revealed his true inner animal...chocolate rabbit.  He melted at the first sign of Lord Sugars’ dragon breath, yet it was Michael who returned to his own self-made kitchen empire. Well you know what they say “ if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”...as long as that isn’t your own Kitchen business.

Star of the Week: Duane Bryan – By default really this time.  It was a rank bad week for everyone else.

Got Lucky: Ricky “The Shark” Martin. Failed on the production line and that was the one major problem in the whole task.

Heading for a Fall: Jenna Whittingham. You get the feeling she’s one slight slip away from a firing.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

The Apprentice Funny Bits Series 8 Episode 2

Matt Edmonson's Funny  Bits from Episode 2 of The Apprentice

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00qgyf9

Splash Down; Apprentice Series 8, Episode 2

You snooze, you lose.  In the tough world of The Apprentice selection sleep is for wimps, losers and obviously purple eyed restaurant owners.

Whether it was a dastardly use of Sith powers by Katie (see last week’s blog) or a badly timed one woman sleep experiment, you got the feeling there was always only going to be one candidates head on the chopping block once ‘Sleepgate’ occurred.  After all, 1^st reply to everything in the boardroom to Maria O'Connor...”well at least I wasn’t asleep”.  Game, set, matchsticks!

It was another loss for the girls in a task they collectively failed to impress on.  From the original idea generation where they pretty much ignored the brief to create a gadget and instead created some kind of plastic waterproof force-field, to the disastrous pitches and a frankly terrible boardroom defence.  There was a lack of any quality in the team, and it wouldn’t have been surprising to have lost more than one of the girls team.  The particularly broad Lancastrian tones of Jenna were as pleasant on the ear as the sound of an angry parent scraping waterproof crayon off the rest of a bath not covered by Splish Splash screen.  (and that’s coming from a proud and broad Lancastrian!)

Fundamentally their product solved a problem that wasn’t even there; in fact they may just have created two more.  Their genius idea was to create a shield to corral children into a corner of the bath whilst distracting them with waterproof crayons.  I’m not sure if the London riots were happening at the time of filming, but that solution may be something worth considering by the Met should anything happen again. 

Of course, the inability of the girls’ team to make an early decision left them with a poor choice of rooms for solving a problem in.  The boys quick choice of kitchen certainly left them the better options, and thanks to Duane the created an ideal kitchen gadget.  Ideal in the sense that it’s one of those “must have for a month” kind of gadgets.  You know the kind, the ones that we all see in the Betterware catalogue, decide you cannot do without and then within 2 months it’s gathering dust at the back of a cupboard (hopefully with crushed cabbage already removed). 

The boys brought home the victory mainly due to the complete disarray of the girls, whose project manager Jane must win the prize for most ambitiously flawed pitch to a buyer ever.  1 million units...only if he’d been drinking that many before the meeting.

The boys also won despite the poor project management of Azhar Siddique.  In another week of animal references Azhar ‘committed’ killer whale went head to head with Ricky ‘The Shark’ Martin.  It was a battle that the producers of Frozen Planet will no doubt be looking to add to the schedules.  That would be if it wasn’t for the fact that neither the shark nor the killer whale resembled anything like their predatory cousins. In fact for those of you that saw the awe-inspiring BBC documentary, both Azhar and Ricky are more akin to the poor seal trapped on the ice flow by the team of Killer Whales.  It really is a matter of ‘if not when’ a wave of reality will smash them off their fragile ice home.

In such tasks the product is key, and getting great ideas initially is the only chance you have of getting a good product. 

Star of the Week: Duane Bryan – He’s the first really star of this year’s series. Saved a dying pitch with a passionate sell of his idea.

Got Lucky: Jenna Whittingham. The Preston girl completely messed up the figures, and only ‘sleepgate’ really saved her.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. Her Sith powers could be fading, named again in the boardroom fight-out.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

One special business lesson from Bubba Watson

On Sunday night UK time, American golfer Bubba Watson won the first major of the year, the US Masters and claimed one of the most recognisable pieces of sports clothing the green jacket. 

For non-golf buffs thinking of switching off at this point just hold on.  For those who prefer their movies, think of Bubba as Happy Gilmore, he hits the ball almost as far.  Bubba taught us all one of the most valuable lessons that anyone can learn in business.  Be that running one, or just playing your part in working within one.

Having finished the final round level with Louis Oosthuizen the two players went head to head on a sudden death play-off hole.  Having drawn the first hole, the players both hit horrible tee shots at the 2^nd play-off hole.  Oosthuizen got slightly luckier, his ball appearing in light rough with a decent chance of making the green on his 2^nd shot.  Bubba was in trouble, his ball landing well off the fairway in the trees with no direct sight to the green.  Oosthuizen 2^nd shot wasn’t great, but Bubba looked like he would need 2 shots to make the green.  Step forward Bubba who produced an amazing sliced shot that bent around the trees and landed on the green within feet of the hole. 

Thanks to that amazing shot he left himself 2 putts to claim the US Masters trophy and join legends of sport including Jack Nicklaus, Tiger Woods, Faldo, Ballesteros and many more.

So what can we learn from Bubba, apart from believing that even the impossible is possible.
 
Well, Bubba never had golf lessons, he hasn’t got a textbook swing, and indeed he never changes a thing if he can help it.  There is no sports psychologist, no entourage of highly paid coaches and fitness trainers.  In fact when he first showed any inclination for the game of golf, his father just told him to go out, swing and do his own thing.

Here is a man who in his own way, and with his own methods has developed a way to succeed.  His golf swing, as unkempt as his hair, has led him to one of the biggest prizes in golf.  So what can we all learn from Bubba?

He’s a man who works hard every day determined to succeed and he’s done it in his own way.

The Apprentice Funny Bits Series 8 Episode 1

Apprentice Episode One Funny Bits





Matt Edmonson's hilarious take on The Apprentice episode

Animal Magic; Apprentice Series 8 Episode 1

There was a time when the world had a sepia tone.  It was the Victorian era, it was mostly black and white (I’ve seen the photos!) and every year a travelling circus would roll into town.

Now, one of the main attractions was a freak show, basically a collection of some of the weirdest people that the circus master could track down.  They all had their own special ‘freakyness’, and yet all equally beautiful in their own way.

Well no longer do we have to queue up to walk past such a collection, the circus masters at the Apprentice never let us down.

So to episode one, which in the style of Friends I’ll refer to as ‘The One with the Tartan Curtains’, which will become obvious later.

The candidates were brimming with the usual blend of bravado, adrenalin and testosterone, and that was just the girls.  What was obvious was that this year the candidates seem to have been asked to compare themselves to an animal.  The episode was full of animal references from Ricky ‘LavidaLoca’ Martin describing himself as a shark - the apex predator through all manner of killer whales, penguins, ducks and bears. 

It certainly inspired the girls team choice of team name.  I am 99% sure that Jenna was referring to a Starling (the bird) in her broad Prestonian accent and not the boring Sterling name that it was mistaken for.  After all it came to her in a dream.

It was a classic-ly appalling display from both teams with no one really shining yet on either side.  The boys products, though inferior in quality were pitched perfectly for quick sales as they identified a key market quickly in terms of tourists.  The girls meanwhile produced a beautiful, if somewhat quirky, product and indeed brand that was always going to restrict their potential sales.  In the hare and tortoise race the girls would’ve won, but the Apprentice episodes are a time for hares! (sorry I seem to be effected by animals too now!!).

Duane seems to have something about him, and unfortunately Bilyana seemed to be manoeuvring herself to being a potential Lord Sugar favourite until her own untimely intervention. 

For the Bulgarian born risk analyst, never could the old Abraham Lincoln saying...

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”

...been so appropriate with Bilyana talking herself into a firing.  It makes you wonder if Katie ‘Silent Assassin’ (but useless) Wright is already displaying Jedi powers that Jedi Jim could only dream of.  It was 3 episodes of Star Wars until they discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was an evil Sith Lord, maybe that is what Katie is.  Suddenly her playful description of herself being the ‘silent assassin’ is taking on some dark undertones.  Keep watching episode 3 I say, when Duane and Katie will duel with lightsabers atop the Guerkin building.

And so to the Tartan Curtains.  I’m no fashion expert but Bilyana’s choice of ‘battle dress’ on selling day would’ve looked more in place at an ‘accurate’ historic re-enactment of Braveheart, Hollywood style.  Her march to the shops complete with sales tray firmly in place would’ve scared the life out of those ancient English Londoners, if only Bonny Prince Charlie had thought of that history could’ve been so much different.  That is possibly the real reason why the unfortunate sales assistant in the shop was really upset.  It wasn’t because of the unprofessional and embarrassing way the girls sub-team harangued and harassed her into a decision.  It was a primeval fear that a B-movie re-creation of Braveheart was about to take place on her doorstep.

Her departure was unfortunate, but confirms, if it was needed, one of Lord Sugars considerations for the new formats of finding someone he can partner with.  Incessant chatter is something he can seriously do without.

Star of the Week: Katie Wright – she hasn’t used her Sith powers on me at all I promise

Got Lucky: Katie Wright. She was gone until Bilyana’s intervention.  But I don’t mean that, she’s great really and definitely hasn’t used her Sith powers on me.

Heading for a Fall: Katie Wright. She definitely didn’t make me say her name again, and she most certainly hasn’t used her Sith mind control powers on me.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Strictly Business

As an amateur Ballroom and Latin sprawler, the return of Strictly Come Dancing to Saturday night TV serves two purposes for me. 

Firstly, it gives me the complete confirmation that I will never make it pro, and secondly just how much works goes into the 1 min and 30 seconds of performance we see on our screens.  Good, bad or Widdecombe, there is no hiding when the various celebs get their sequins and fake tans on and strut like they’ve never strutted before (apart from Robbie Savage who always had a strut that wound up opposition fans).

But Strictly Come Dancing gives us 5 business lessons that we can all learn from:

Dedication, that’s what you need

The celebs on Strictly eat, sleep and breathe (sometimes very heavily) dancing.  They have to; there is just no getting away from the intense period of time that is the show.  Last series we saw Matt Baker training in farmers fields and cow sheds whilst on location doing his day job of Countryfile.  This series Chelsee Healey is spending 8 hours a day filming Waterloo Road and then heading straight to the training room for 3 hours of intense dance. 

Whatever your opinion on TV work being ‘real’ or not, the celebs are dedicating every minute they have to the competition.  As with any business, if you are dedicated to that business, giving your all and every minute you have it will show.

Hard Work Pays off

When you are in business, it’s hard work that pays off.  Put the hours in both in your business and on your business and you’ll succeed.  Most entrepreneurs will take 16 hour work days as the norm, especially in the early days of a business, working all hours to ensure they are producing, selling, marketing and accounting.  It’s non-stop. 

At Strictly, it’s completely the same, put the hours in to learn not just the dance, but the technique and you’ll get the kind of marks that put you top of the leaderboard.  Take Harry Judd for example, the McFly drummer currently tops the training hours leaderboard and waltzed off with the first 10 of the series. 

Putting the hours and hard work in to your business is the way to get results, it’s just a pity we can’t all be accompanied by Harry or Aliona to make the time a little easier.

Know your limits

Let’s face it you wouldn’t ask Audley Harrison to perform a backflip.  Equally, asking Anita Dobson to lift Robin Windsor probably wouldn’t be the wisest decision either.  The professional dancers will put the dance choreography together to show off the best skills of the celeb.  They know exactly when is best to let them jive on their own and when it’s best just to slap them in a harness and hope for the best. 
Similarly it is crucial when you are running a business to recognise what you are good at, and what you aren’t so good at.  We aren’t superhuman as much as we like to think,  therefore getting help and support in for the bits that you aren’t so good at (or don’t want to do) will only help you and the business in the long run. 

Knowing your limits is the best way to push your business to the next level and often crystallises new appointments.

Sell the Dance

So many times celebs in Strictly Come Dancing will ‘nail’ all the steps.  Technically they’ll get to the end of the 90 seconds with the routine complete, yet something just won’t look right to us viewers or the judges.  Selling the dance be it Rhumba or Waltz is key to getting to the very top.  It is equally the case in business, you must ‘sell’ yourself and the business if you want to succeed.

Selling yourself, promoting the business is what can make the crucial difference between a sevennnnnn or a nine.  Without this essential part you are left with a technically great business that no-one gets or perhaps even knows about.  Selling is the key to success.

If you stumble, keep going

Sometimes the funniest Strictly moments are  those when it all goes wrong, and yet the celeb keeps going.  Pamela Stephenson last year nearly spun into the 3^rd row of the audience but kept going with a smile as big as ever.  This series Nancy Dell’Olio came to blows with a feather boa that wasn’t prepared to let her go, whilst Lulu completely forgot her steps in week one and carried on regardless.  The key with all of them was the celebs knew there was no hiding place they could do only one thing, carry on.

Running a business is no different, making mistakes is part of becoming an entrepreneur.  Some eminent entrepreneurs such a Richard Branson will tell you it is an essential part.  The key with these trips or mistakes is to keep going.  Dust yourself off and get back in the game.  There is no hiding place when you are in charge, you just have to keep going as best you can.  People will understand, and as long as you don’t keep making the same mistakes, it will only do you good in the long run.

Perhaps it’s time to get the glitter spray and fake tan out now, I’m feeling like a Quickstep.

Tom-tastic! Apprentice Series 7 The Final

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner!


The mad professor Tom Pellereau is the man Lord Sugar has backed to the tune of £250,000 after the final episode of The Apprentice. A worthy winner in many respects, a certainly fortunate to be under the new Apprentice prize of a joint business venture as opposed to a job within Lord Sugars portfolio of companies. If we’d been working to rules of previous series the likelihood is that Tom would’ve struggled to make it through the auditions let alone the first few weeks. His quirky style, mad inventor personality and action-man eyes always presented him as a potential loose cannon, but dig below that and Tom was always a candidate who stood out for Lord Sugar.

It is under the old rules that this year’s second place candidate, Helen Louise Milligan would’ve walked it. After a quiet opening few weeks Helen smashed her way to the top of the leaderboard and her structured planning and calculated organisation meant she stayed there right to the end. She played the perfect game in this series, and that perhaps is her biggest failing. There is a sense with Helen that she performs best within a structured environment, and as all new business owners will testify, a new start up is not the place to need rigid processes and procedures to perform at your best. Certainly in my experience, the ability to function within organised chaos would be closer to the mark. Helen you felt all along lacked a certain something despite her impressive showing, and it was crucial to Lord Sugar in the final reckoning. He was willing Helen to produce a stunning business idea, or even just a credible one, you felt if she had then even with the reservations she’d have been a shoe in. Not that she was the only one without a credible business plan.

The range of plans/businesses was revealed and disappointing was probably the easiest way to round them up. They ranged from Susan’s Skincare company to Jim’s e-learning entrepreneurial skills for schools.

Taking them individually, Susan’s plan involved the huge potential skincare market if she got it right, but with associated costs that would eat up the investment before it had time to breathe. Jim’s e-learning idea, cheekily branded AMsmart in line with Lord Sugars existing businesses, already exists and was in essence an idea non-profit business hastily given commercial figures. Helen disappointingly presented the equivalent of a virtual PA service that somehow was supposed to get the country back on its feet. Even winner Tom’s plan of ergonomic chairs and associated products was seriously flawed. Hugely disappointing all round and rightly all were pulled to pieces by what must be one of the most scary interview panels outside of the Den. In fact you got the feeling at one point that Lord Sugar was going to end the interviews and send all four over to the Dragons Den studio for a grilling in a BBC cross-show promotion.

Tom’s victory was down to two main attributes. He’s quite obviously a guy that Lord Sugar feels on a personal level he could work with. As I pointed out in a previous article, Sugar made most of his fortune in partnership with guys like Tom, and that was obviously a big draw for him, he knows how to handle this type of character. Secondly, Tom is a one-man ideas factory, it may take him 20 different ideas, but somewhere along the line Tom is going to hit on another massive idea and Lord Sugar wants to be there when it does. With his already established, but somewhat off-track, ‘Curved Nail file’ Sugar has a readymade product to start recouping his investment.

And so The Apprentice finishes for another series, we’ve had the usual mix of inflated egos, tears, tantrums and Top Hats. Only a few months until Junior Apprentice starts, and if that is anything like last year, those candidates will once again be putting their senior counterparts to shame.

Though certainly not this country’s entrepreneurial elite, this year’s batch of Apprentice candidates have made some great TV and been responsible (sometimes inadvertently) for some essential business lessons. We are left with the vision of a white coated Tom giggling away in a high-tech lab somewhere reaching for an emergency biscuit whilst creating the world’s first time machine using parts from a nodding dog, a top hat, nail file and travel clock. It’d be fun to be there don’t you think?

The PY's the limit! Apprentice Series 7 Episode 11

The un-official semi-final of this year’s series went off with a rather pleasant taste in the mouth. It was a fast food challenge, with each team coming up with a new fast food brand, menu and restaurant to wow a group of industry experts, and it proved a super episode.


Finally, yeah, Natasha, yeah went yeah and...aaarggghh I’ve annoyed myself again! Thank goodness the recruitment manager from Taunton was finally dismissed, though to be fair there was little chance of her reaching the final once Caracas went south. That’d be Caracas, as in the capital of Venezula, possibly discovered by the British explorer Christopher Columbus who was probably working alongside Shakespeare and Byron around the same time. All that was missing was to introduce the Columbus dish with...’just one more thing’ and the messy mixture would’ve been complete.

It should be said that the general knowledge mess-ups are certainly understandable, after all how many of us would have forgotten our own names after 11 weeks of living and working with this year’s candidates? It’s not surprising that for the third week running the candidate that has gone has been the one that has obviously run out of steam.

Just as with Zoe Beresford and Melody Hossaini before her, Natasha had the aura of a candidate who was gone before the task started. Match that to the fact that she was this tasks ‘Expert’ having a degree in Hospitality Management, (and her previous weeks poor performances) and she could’ve saved herself 48 hours of stress by catching a cab straight from the house. How she failed to grasp the task when she obviously has skills within the area was unforgivable so close to the final. Unforgivable, but pleasing all the same!

The dynamic duo Helen and Tom steered clear of the cheesy nacho regurgitation and instead hit on the impressive MYPY concept. Columbus rick aside, the clear direction, detailed costings plan and on-brief service made for a clear winner. MYPY was a genius concept, if a little Airline food looking in its delivery, but most importantly for a fast food restaurant, simple in its execution. In-store games within fast food outlets aren’t well known, but a little ‘I spy with my little PY’ could be a winner. Plus any food that can be served with gravy will always find a home in the glorious North of England so there’s a massive market ready-made. So glorious was the sight, seeing the ready-made meal in a crust served with lashing of the good stuff in the heart of the City, it was enough to make any Lancastrians heart flutter with pride. Oooo Northern Boys Love Gravy (*circa 2003 Soccer Am).

It was impressive all round from our second version of Beauty and Geek this series. The pair make an impressive double-act, so much so you wonder if Lord Sugar fancied calling this year a dead-heat and going into business with the pair of them. In a business such as fast food where organisation and detail is so important, Helen and Tom left nothing to chance and with Tom’s ideas and Helen’s organisation they could be an unstoppable combination.

So onto this year’s final, and we are left with the final four that doesn’t really hold any surprises. When Darth Norn/Jedi Jim strolled into the kitchen and asked ‘Did someone order a final four?’ I did hear someone shout ‘No Jim, I’m still waiting for my fajita’. It is Jim that is perhaps the most vulnerable of the remaining four despite being the best sales person left. You get the feeling that Lord Sugar is almost done with Jim. The same could be said of Tom with the number of losses he has been involved in. However, the big difference is Lord Sugar made his fortune working with people like Tom and you get the feeling his lordship is sizing up in his mind if he fancies one last crack at it with the loveable genius.

Helen, after a quiet start, has been awesome as the weeks have progressed. However, there is something missing with Helen that I can’t quite put my finger on. There is nothing wrong with reaching 30 without having started a business. After all some people just aren’t ready to and it’s admirable that she feels now is the time. There is just a feeling that she thinks she knows more about leading a new venture than the actual reality of doing so. But perhaps there is no better way to learn with the backing of Lord Sugar.

That leaves Snoozy Susie, Susan Ma. Possibly the Marmite candidate this year (you either love her or hate her), she is a hugely impressive individual. Not necessarily in each and every task, but just in how she has built her life, she has a real drive to achieve success. Indeed, the kind of drive that Lord Sugar himself is renowned for, and it could this that wins it for her. Much will depend on just how much time Lord Sugar is preparing to spend within each business and advising each candidate. If he wants to be quite hands on, Tom and Susan could be the kind of candidates he could work with. On the other hand, if he’s looking for no real input then Helen, and to a certain extent, Jim may be the preferred option.

The final featuring Daisy Communications Matt Riley and the return of Apprentice legend Margaret Mountford will see the candidates interviewed about their business plans. It is then we will get to know a little more about the kind of business Lord Sugar could be involved with.

It should be a cracking climax!

But what do you do? Apprentice Series 7 Episode 10

There was an air of excitement about the small figure stood in front of Tom this week. He was giddy with excitement looking at the merchandise pilled high in front of him. No not one of the young consumers Tom flogged patriotic nodding dogs to; I’m talking about Lord Sugar who was truly in his element at the start of this week’s task. You could see the former van trader practically leaping for joy as he outlined the stock selling task. The only thing missing was a yellow three wheel van power sliding through the warehouse doors.

With that picture firmly fixed in your mind, it was all the more shocking to see Snoozy Suzie sent to Knightsbridge to sell linen door to door. These are the kind of properties that sometimes won’t let number 1000 on The Sunday Times Rich List through the door to use the toilet, let alone a Croydon girl with handfuls of cheap polyester. But it was a sign of things to come from a Venture team led by the useless Natasha. Harsh for sure, but Lord Sugar’s disgust at their ‘win’ was followed by the removal of any winning treat. If she wasn’t sure before, the next time Natasha appears in the boardroom she’ll need to make sure her case is packed.

As much as it was a lucky win for Venture, it was not an unlucky loss for Logic, who under the leadership of Melody floundered under the weight of ego’s and coups. Undoubtedly the stars of the task were the two remaining boys, Tom and Jim, who on opposite teams, sold well. Meanwhile Melody hit several bum notes in failing to ‘smell what sells’ and opted to ignore Tom’s success whilst fighting off a power-drunk Helen hell bent on ‘saving’ the task. It was a poor move from Helen who got the wrong strategy on the task, and has seemingly hit on another poor one in her personal quest. Quite frankly the mere act of walking into a Pound Shop and trying to sell them watches at a trade price of £25 should be a firing offence on its own.

Melody Hossaini has not been the most tuneful of candidates, but, as with Zoe the previous week, she had an air of a candidate for whom the large lady was warming up her vocal chords. This was a real surprise from Melody who only weeks ago impressed Lord Sugar with her no nonsense one woman approach to the Paris task. It seems that rather than that being the start of her ascent to the top of Lord Sugar’s musical range, it was just a case of the triangle player getting over-excited and binging too early.

For far too much of the task both teams were guilty of chasing sales at any cost. They forgot the simple truth of sales that if you sell at a price above your costs you will make a profit. Spending 4 hours of an 8 hour selling window in the back of a cab getting stock to sell for peanuts isn’t going to make anyone any money.

It all proved a task too far for Melody who, though unfortunate to leave before Natasha, had to go having been given a couple of lives already.

All of which leaves a real rag tag bunch of Apprentice candidates in the final five, perhaps more so than any previous series.

How Natasha Scribbens is still among them is something I cannot fathom. She’s lived the kind of charmed life that makes you sure you must’ve missed an episode, either that or there’s more to her ‘yeahs’ than we think. Perhaps they are somehow managing to form a protective, Teflon coated, bubble around the girl keeping her immune from any downfall.

Tom Pellereau despite his obvious confidence floors elicits the kind of twinkle in Lord Sugars eyes that belies the insults flowing from the great man’s mouth. Sugar made his fortune working with people like Tom and even if Tom can’t see it, his Lordship is weighing up if he could do it again. “Jedi” Jim Eastwoood on the other hand, despite his excellent performance this week (and it could be argued, last week as well) looks like the type of candidate who is one slip up away from going. He’s going to have to be the top performer in every remaining task to stand a chance of being the last man standing.

Helen Milligan’s less than impressive task finally allowed us to see beyond the polished organiser from previous weeks, and I’m not sure there’s enough there to win it. Having a strategy and trying to plan is to be admired on such a chaotic task. But what’s more important is to get the right strategy and not just bang on about having a strategy when it was clearly flawed. Her attempted ‘kitchen coup’ underlined a feeling that Helen’s got a little bit drunk on previous weeks successes. Whether she heeds the warning she received in the boardroom will dictate if she stays until the end.

This leaves us with Suzie, the bambi to Jim’s Darth Norn. She divides opinion like no other candidate this year, and yet despite her annoying traits, time and time again she has got to the heart of the task quickly and understood what needs to happen. Ok, she’s often failed to push this through in the face of the strong personalities she is surrounded with, but she potentially has the kind of spark, enthusiasm and energy Lord Sugar is looking for. Whether he could work with her is an entirely different question, and one that may see her falling by the wayside before the end.

Who will win this year’s Apprentice? Let me know your thoughts and vote in the poll on this page.


Star of the Week: "Jedi" Jim Eastwood and Tom Pellereau joint winners this week, Jim showed his sales strengths and Tom stepped outside his comfort zone to sell, sell, sell.


Got Lucky: Natasha Scribbens. Saved again by being on the winning team. She's like Monty Pythons Black Knight and just won't go.

Heading for a Fall: Helen Louise Milligan.  Has she been found out?


For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Soggy Biscuit Dunking. Apprentice Series 7 Episode 9

Right thought I’d set the scene on this week’s blog post for you. I’m sitting down in front of my laptop with a nicely steaming cup of coffee and the sun cracking t’flags outside. But wait, what’s this feeling? It’s overpowering my senses, I can’t concentrate, quite frankly I’m flagging and there is only one thing I need…an Emergency Biscuit. Yep, that will do the job. Phew crisis averted.

I don’t claim to be a playwright of any great repute, but I feel confident enough to say that my newly released ‘Emergency Biscuit Tragedy’ still sits slightly above the ‘Biscuit Lovers’ playlet dreamt up by Melody. Though I must confess I will be hard pressed to find a relationship as full of chemistry and connection as that of Beauty and the Geek; Melody and Tom. I’m thinking of casting Jeremy Clarkson and Germaine Greer.  The audience may even watch whilst eating Pop-biscuits, they are the new popcorn after all.

This week’s task was all about biscuits. Creating a new product and taking it to 3 sets of supermarket buyers to get onto the shelves and into the nations brews. As always with the Apprentice we had a twist in the boardroom, where yet again having seemingly gone off track with their ‘After School Treat’ that was for anytime, Team Venture pulled in a huge order from Asda (a new Apprentice record), and blasted Team Logic’s biscuit within a biscuit, BixMix, clean out of its digestive outer.

It was unfortunate for Team Logic as Venture had been less than impressive in the task from the first moment. As churlish as this may sound, Helen and Jim were probably two of the poorest performers this week, yet with a sidelined Natasha in tow, were able to persuade Asda of the potential of their product. How much different the final product, packaging and marketing would be if it was ever to hit the shelves will perhaps be the biggest example of Venture’s poor execution of a decent idea.

Having said all of that, it’s fair to say that Logic under Zoe’s robust stewardship really took the biscuit! Though we saw flashes of the feisty Cheshire girl’s management style, she had the air of a contestant who had perhaps had enough of the process. It was communication that really let her team down, and really brought home just how crucial it is across an organisation. I disagreed with Lord Sugar’s insistence that Zoe went to the production site; however she could’ve spent a great deal more time communicating with Melody and Tom in order to answer one question. Who are we aiming at? It was this that lay at the heart of their loss. Forget the bitching, playlet and politics, Logic lacked a clear target market and therefore production and sales/marketing had a complete disconnect.

Having learnt a little more about Zoe, it is clear to see just what Lord Sugar had seen in her. After all this was a woman who overcame two bouts of cancer in her late teens, she really was the kind of battler he loves. However, falling down on such a crucial element meant she was always likely to go this time.

Clear communication starts from the top of any organisation. Having a clear vision, moulded into a strategy and then followed down through the various functions is the best way for any company, whatever the size, to succeed. Even better, a fluid two-way process that allows this to be adjusted and take advantage of customer feedback and new markets is the standout feature of any successful business.

So we are left with Melody Hossaini, Susan Ma, Helen Louise Milligan, Natasha Scribbins, “Jedi” Jim and Tom Pellereau as the final six candidates and tasks running out fast. The unlikeliest winners out of that list probably include Natasha and Jim who have both faced Lord Sugars ire. The current standout would probably be Helen, though she still has an element of mystery surrounding her skills. Whatever the outcome over the next few episodes, it’s proving a difficult series to predict.


Star of the Week: Helen Louise Milligan. Granted it was Jedi Jim that 'won' the massive order, but Helen's management just pipped it.


Got Lucky: Natasha Scribbens.  Saved by being on the winning team. She'd have been dead in the water facing up to Jedi Jim and Helen in the boardroom having been sidelined by them.

Heading for a Fall: Tom Pellereau.  Unfortunately for 'Brains' he looks increasingly like a dead man walking.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 8

Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 7

Hip to be Square Apprentice Series 7 Episode 7

Never let it be said that the Apprentice is all about the youngsters. These candidates fundamentally understand just how to engage with the old market, just as much as their own peers.


Who am I kidding, the ‘cream of UK business talent’ pulled a shocker of choices in this weeks task which was to create a brand new Freemium magazine and pitch to three of the countries largest media buying organisations to secure advertising revenue. In terms of the creative and pitching process it is one that I am very familiar with, and one thing I’ll always be an advocate of is not suppressing creative ideas. It is amazing sometime just where a seemingly weird idea (believe me some of them have been) will take you. Fundamentally however the key is to focus on the message and, more importantly, the market you are trying to reach.

This is the one and only reason why Natasha, yeah, led her team to a victory, yeah, even if yeah, her project manager skills yeah, had all the quality yeah of a pitch delivered word for word yeah in the way she talked yeah…grrrr I’ve irritated myself just writing it!

Her refusal to take the feedback from Tom, Helen and the group of burly if very well-behaved on camera student rugby players almost let her down. As did the out-dated Loaded-esq final product. But the fact that the largest media buyer had a client base that suited such a publication secured victory. Of course the fact that they understood the need to be flexible on the rate card cost helped massively.

Jedi Jim or Darth Norn Iron as he is now known missed this, which was as amazing as it was cringeworthy. How a supposed Sales expert got it so wrong says more about Jim’s real skills than his mouth would ever betray. Even without any clever TV editing any sales person worth their salt would’ve seen the change in atmosphere as Darth Norn told the media buyer that he wouldn’t negotiate on the rate card, not once but three times. He was lucky not to be hopping into the nearest TIE fighter, but it’s only a matter of time.

I can’t believe I’ve got this far into the article without any mention of the words ‘Hip’ and ‘Replacement’. I think that it’s because on some unconscious level I still can’t work out one thing…why!

Throughout Glenn’s one-man creative storm he got so carried away with comedy ‘old-people’ terms that he’d lost sight of what the magazine stood for. Feedback from the focus group gave some credence to Zoe’s throwaway ‘Hip Replacement’ idea, but a combination of translation and Darth Norn’s attempt at funking up the front cover meant it was a loser. Credit to Zoe though for understanding how the magazine should be pitched, just a shame the name left it looking decidedly bizarre.

The firing was a surprise more for the fact Darth Norn remained than Glenn being fired. The same charge could be levelled at Susan, but, despite her best efforts to irritate most, she perceptively picks up on the fundamental business points in the tasks. She just needs to learn to speak up a bit more before the event.

Lord Sugars rather unkind adage on firing Glenn that he’d ‘never met an engineer that was good at business’ will rankle with many. Though in his Lordships defence he loves engineers in general, especially those that helped him make his vast fortune. He obviously has a few scars.

So it was the engineer that left, with Bambi and Darth Norn heading back to the other candidates with their saving more a stay of execution than an indication of being potential winners.

Star of the Week: Tom Pellereau and Helen Louise Milligan.  Both picked up on the correct route for Covered but were ignored by the whirling Natasha


Got Lucky: Darth Norn - Jim.  Got it so wrong and his inability to sell will have him gone before long.

Heading for a Fall: Natasha Scribbins.  Yeah!

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 6 - (Almost) Bouncer's Dream

Lego Apprentice Series 7 Episode 5