Beer today gone tomorrow

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

A great philosopher once said that (Homer Simpson)but he had obviously never seen The Apprentice, especially this weeks episode.  The thing is, the alcohol had very little to do with the problems this week, that was firmly in the hands of the classic Apprentice combination...ego and strategy (or lack of it).

You'd think after 8 previous series the candidates would sense the warning signs around the challenges like this "produce and sell" task.  The real key to both areas isn't in the speed and aggression of selling, it's in the planning.

Tim "thank you for the opportunity even though we've just won and I should just shut up and do the huggy-jumpy thing outside the room" Stillwell was transferred onto the girls team to begin the mixing of the teams and fared no better in the spot vacated by the fired Jaz.

Immediately taking the project manager role, he gave a rather convincing impression of a weedy stripper at a demanding hen night, more concerned with not being eaten alive than concentrating on the job in hand.

Still at least he didn't send a non-alcohol drinking team member to the manufacturing plant, key requirement being the ability to taste the product.  And at least he also made sure his sales team had enough samples to keep the buyers happy.  Who'd have thought that a set of buyers would want to taste a product before they agreed to spend their money on buying it.

"Stella English" look-a-likee Francesca, placed in charge of that toughest of task on Apprentice tasks...sums...almost came a cropper as the girls manufacturing team produced the most lethal brew since Oliver Reed and George Best decided to empty their cupboards to make a punch, which led to gallons of product being washed away and a big loss of cash.

Yet, it was the sales strategy that once again cost the project manager his place.  "Nice but Dim" Tim was wobbling like a student on a 50p a shot night as his sales teams struggled with locations, pricing and selling - not the greatest of combinations.

If nothing else, this episode showed how important it is to get people into the right roles and balance personalities in teams.  The clashes between Zee, Alex and Jason, and Uzma and Rebecca were Apprentice staples, but some better decision making on both parts by each of the project managers would've headed off any problems before they started.

Not for the first time the serene Karren Brady was left exasperated by the conduct of the girls as the claws came out in the boardroom.  Yet, it was the intriguing prospect of just how Zee will conduct himself when left in the steely grip of Lord Sugars pointing finger that has me looking forward to the next few episodes.  His conduct with Jason was bordering on bullying at times, even if some of his gripes had some validity.

As for "The Count" his eyebrows were sadly more absent this episode, though the magnificent black turtleneck, aviator shades and brown coat on the shoulder look was stunningly "Boycie", and yet menacingly Kray twin.  A show stopper all of it's own...maybe he'd spent just a little too long sniffing the empty sample bottles.



Did Lord Sugar get it right?  Simon Says....Yes! Tim was floating in a vat of mis-management by the end of the task.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - Not just the "Eyebrows", the Belgium "Look".

Got Lucky: Francesca Macduff-Varley - How often the "counter" takes the rap on the manufacturing task.

Heading for a Fall: Zeeshaan Shah - He's making enemies, will he be able to control his short fuse in the pressure of a boardroom dressing down?

What do you think, did Lord Sugar get the firing correct?  Who should've gone? Who's your favourite to win?

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

The Eyebrows Have It! - The Apprentice Series 9, Episode 1

1...haha....2...haha...I love to count...

Not just one Apprentice episode this week, but two as the flagship BBC show strides back onto our screens (empty case in hand).  

Alex "The Count" Mills claimed the prize for biggest impact on episode one with those mesmeric eyebrows crafted from hours of preening and some may say one or two mistakes getting the length of them correct at the beauty salon.  

From his first moment on screen, especially when he stated that he had key skills in numbers reminded me of someone...

              The Count                                     Alex Mills

...still him and his eyebrows helped the boys to a win in a typical "buy and sell" challenge.

In between the startling appearance by The Count and the first firing of the series of Jaz Ampaw-Farr, who took on a very Sideshow Bob look when she donned a hard hat at the docks, it was an episode full of childish arguments, schoolboy one-liners and hanging high fives...so business as usual really.

As happens so many times on the first few episodes, the personalities that get the attention are often for the wrong reasons.  Sophie was absent in her contribution, Tim delivered the most cringing of cringeworthy thank you's to Lord Sugar and Jaz lept two-footed to her doom within seconds of the intro by taking on the project manager role.  I look forward to seeing how Zeeshaan "Napoleon" Shah copes as the series continues, I'm no historian but I'm not aware of Napoleon being known for hissy fits on the back of his horse (or in Zeeshaan's case his people carrier).

It was a poor episode all round for the teams, Evolve and Endeavour, Barry and Paul (Chuckle) would've been more appropriate as they sold a number of random items from the back of a shipping container.  Still the boys team somehow scrapped a win and it left Sideshow Jaz to walk squarely into the rake that is Lord Sugars firing finger (one for Simpsons geeks there).

The lesson that teams never seem to learn from these selling exercises is that whenever you are selling, and whatever you are selling you need a plan.  That starts by identifying the most likely 'buyers' for your products/service, then identifying the decision maker or key influencer, understanding your sales boundaries (stock, cost, break-even, profit) and then engaging with your prospect.  Sadly, even this basic outline tends to get lost in the politics of who needs/wants to sell.  Despite being taken into the boardroom (and seemingly not contributing hugely) it was admirable that Uzma at least took on a definite role within the team and made sure she contributed doing what she'd been asked to do.  Even on the harsh world that is The Apprentice early days, teamwork is still the key to get you through to the later weeks.

Still, it's beer tonight so chuck a little alcohol and production into the mix and it has all the hallmarks of a classic Apprentice episode.

By the way, this weeks episode was brought to you by the letter E...for Eyebrows.

Star of the Week: Alex Mills - The Eyebrows, just the eyebrows

Got Lucky: Tim Stillwell - What was he thinking with that sickening thank you??
Heading for a Fall: Sophie Lau - Already singled out as not contributing in front of Lord Sugar and her fellow candidates, they'll not forget that quickly.

For Twitter updates on The Apprentice don't forget to follow me @simonbrooke

It's here....The Apprentice Series 9 preview

And so it begins.

No I’m not talking about summer, we all know that big yellow ball in the sky won’t be here forever.  I’m talking the return for Series 9 of The Apprentice.

Following rapidly on from the “Stella English” court case there hasn’t been a better indication of the significant and, I think it’s fair to say, necessary change from the winner receiving a job to receiving a significant investment from Lord Sugar that we saw two series ago.

The award of a job within the wide spread of Lord Sugar’s business empire always seemed to jar with the nature and style of the programme and selection process.  As mad professor Tom and wrestler Ricky “La Vida Loca” Martin have both shown, the guiding hand of an entrepreneurial master like Sugar can prove invaluable, as long as the fundamental business plan is sound.

Tom’s flourishing empire is a fabulous example of a great business where the owner has lost their way (in Tom’s case getting caught up in his passion of inventing) getting the experience and guidance from a mentor and partner.  It should also be said that Tom would probably be the first to admit that the rather public time he spent understanding his own strengths and weaknesses will also have had a major bearing on his new found success.  Ricky too going from a situation where he has never started a business before, but held a number of key entrepreneurial attributes, has seen the rapid growth of his new venture benefit hugely from the experience a savvy entrepreneur and mentor can bring.  Sure the huge investment helped, but having that guidance is equally key.
It may be a great lesson for anyone frustrated by the lack of bank lending to look to alternative sources for funding and guidance.

So to this year’s batch of business wannabes and what another eclectic mix the producers have selected this time (let’s get it straight this is primarily a TV entertainment show).  From a professional dancer, Monaco-based marketing man to shop owners and even a doctor the mix is wide and varied.

For the very best introduction, check out the Meet the Candidates song courtesy of The Brett Domino Trio here – stunningly brilliant.

So what can we expect...more of the same I would suggest.  Ego’s, mis-calculations and unknown objects and everthing in between.  Already 22 year old Alex Mills’ claims to have strengths in design and calculations could come back to bit him.  Still it’s going to be fun!

Incidentally, a number of the candidates this year have retail experience, particularly in/with food-based companies which may indicate a little of Lord Sugars business preferences this year.

Follow me @simonbrooke for more thoughts on The Apprentice and my follow up on the first episode.

Learnings from 2012

As glorious as this year has been in many ways, it's also been a far from perfect affair.

Like many of you I began the year with many thoughts, dreams and ideas. None of them driven by any fly-by-night resolutions. These were solid, focused plans all taken from my dreams and hopes for the year, goals to achieve.

Unfortunately the hand of fate has delivered a larger slice of pain than triumphs this year, and I write this having received yet another slice...still I'm not alone and certainly have more than enough to be grateful for, I am everyday.

So I've composed a list of seven points that I'll share with youto keep you warm over the coming months. For next year is another year, and one full of even more promise...

Points to remember:

1. Keep going!
2. You have learnt a lesson with every kick.
3. You are 12 times the person you were in January.
4. Focus on all your great wins this last year, even if they don't feel quite like wins right now.
5. You have learnt so much about yourself and the people around you, use this new found power for good.
6. If you believe,
you can make your dreams come true, however far away they feel.
7. Take action! Wallow, Swallow and Follow...( ie. wallow, allow yourself a small wallow when things go wrong, but quickly swallow some oxygen and click yourself back into gear, and follow your dreams and plans and things will work out for you).

Here's to a cracking 2013...it'll be here sooner than you think

One small leap for business...

As someone who doesn't 'do' heights the prospect of leaping off a balloon 24 miles above the cold and rather solid ground isn't my idea of fun.  In fact sometimes I think the reason I never made the 6 foot tall mark was the sheer determination of my inner self not to be heigh up rather than my genes.

So when Felix Baumgartner stood on the platform and lept I wasn't envious.  Or at least I shouldn't have been....

What Felix did in stunning hd action was something that everyone who has ever started a business has done.  You stood on the platform and lept.

I think that's why I was strangely drawn to that platform.  It brought to life the 'leap', that moment that separates the players from the wannanbees.  The moment that someone considers the risks and decides it's time to take the chance.

Speaking regularly with clients, friends, family and many many enterprising people I'm amazed at just how significant this 'leap' is.  Certainly not in an arrogant way, what I mean is that 'the leap' is what bonds fellow entrepreneurs together, that tacit understanding that means we don't need to speak about 'the leap'...we get on talking about everything else.  Yet for those who haven't taken 'the leap' it often takes on a huge amount more significance.

"You're so brave, I could never take the leap"
"I'd love to work for myself, but I just get scared of the leap" 
"I'm just not ready to take the leap just yet"

Just a couple of the lines that have been said to me in recent conversations.  Don't get me wrong, the little boost of self-esteem that I get whenever I hear these kind of lines is fantastic.  As it should be for all those brave souls that have taken the leap and set up businesses of all shapes and sizes.  The tacit understanding between us 'leapers' means we don't give ourselves the credit for just how significant such a step is.

And that is just the start of the business journey, which can feel like you've stepped off a 24 mile high balloon....Travelling at breakneck speed, not quite sure if you're heading in the right direction, not able to see or hear your instruments, you're visor misting up so you can't even enjoy the view or know when to push your shoot and hopefully the relief of making it to your goal in one piece.

But sometimes, even though the conditions aren't quite perfect, there comes a time you've just got to leap.

Coffee Shops and Full Stops

Coffee shop etiquette.

Just how long is too long? 

I mean the current trend for transposing your whole office to a coffee shop, taking advantage of free wifi and the good old British politeness to drink less cups of coffee than you'd probably manage to get through at the office...whilst taking up a full table of course.

How long can you manage before guilt drives you back to the counter to replace that un-naturally stone cold cup? Would you avoid a coffee shop that didn't have free wifi or restricted the use by time?

I'm going to ponder that question myself...over a brew






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A Memory; 15th April 1989

15th April 1989

I'm not always the best at remembering times, dates and places.  When people talk about 'JFK' moments I sometimes wonder how they possibly remember such detail.  But I do remember the circumstances 23 years ago.  I was at a football match.

10 years old, and 8 months into my first season with a proper season ticket I was with my dad at the game.  Oldham v Sunderland, a game that finished.  It finished 2-2, and I now know carried very little significance for either side, but for the 10 year old me every game was a huge event.

I sat in my seat in the Martins Stand, a stand that no longer exists at Boundary Park, the stand I spent so many hours of my formative football supporting years.  Gazing down on the hallowed plastic turf, it was the sounds and smells of those years that I still hold to this day.  The heady mix of pastry, mixed with 5,000 musty coats, bovril and a cloud of cigarette, cigar and pipe smoke.

Pushing through the tight corridor that ran below the stand, Waggon Wheel (which was huge in those days) and spearmint tab chewing gum in hand I'd turn to my left and head up towards the light at the top of the concrete staircase.  That small staircase seemed to be soundproofed, the buzz of noise hitting me as emerged from the gloom.

I was always aware of the mass of blue metal that surrounded the terraces.  Indeed, I doubt I'm alone in having many fond memories of the cages and barriers at games, especially for those of a similar age.  Many a time the back overhang of the perimeter fence made a fantastic climbing frame in my early days stood on the Chaddy End.  To me, the mass of metal at a football ground was a playground, not a potential death trap.

Even in the relatively small crowds at Oldham I'd stood on the same terrace in previous seasons and felt the surge of the crowd as one of our hero's on the pitch fired a shot fizzing into the net.  Allied to the joy of a goal, the surge of the crowd was an exhilarating experience.

Still I stood that day in the relative comfort of the upper tier of the Martins Stand, looking down on the home terrace, the Chaddy End and on the fans massing together.  I made my way up to my solid, squeaking seat.  Shortly after, the game with Sunderland started.

Less than 10 mins into the game I noticed for the first time my dad speaking with the gents around us.  I heard something, "Liverpool and Forest", I knew it was the FA Cup semi-final that day...had someone scored dad?  An incident on our pitch took my attention.  What was going on?  The click and buzz of transistor radios seemed to be louder than I'd ever heard during a game before.  Normally that was a sound saved for half-time. 

Back to the game, a chance, a tackle I was in the moment.  More strange conversations, phrases like "has a wall collapsed?", "on the pitch", "fans injured" caught my attention again.  What's happened dad?  Nobody really knew, a mass of half conversations becoming rumour and crackly transistor signals couldn't convey a clear story.  My dad wasn't sure what to tell me, too many differing stories.

Something had gone wrong, we both knew that much for sure.

At some point an announcement came over the PA system with some news from the FA Cup Semi-Final match.  There'd been a crowd incident, people were dead and injured.  I could hear the tone of the conversations change around me.

None of us truly knew what had happened, but we immediately knew that 30 miles away, at a football match just like ours, some people wouldn't be walking away from Hillsborough stadium.

96 didn't.